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• Independence Day was enjoyed with fireworks celebrating July 4th, 1776. It's perhaps the greatest day in the history of ammunition sales. The War of Independence started with the Shot Heard 'Round the World and to this day every Monday newscast begins with the weekend totals from Chicago.
• Thomas Jefferson's Monticello home in Virginia held a public reading of his Declaration of Independence today. His anti-authoritarian streak defined the new nation. President Biden lost his temper at rebellious Americans Friday and placed the entire country on Double Secret Affirmative Action.
• The Rolling Stones arrived in New York City last week for a photo-shoot to promote the band's next tour. The London newspapers broke the news Sunday that Mick Jagger, 79, just got engaged to ballerina Melanie Hamrick, less than half his age. They are planning to have an open casket wedding.
• Conde Nast travel magazine predicts a banner month for the travel industry with more bargains for tourists than in summers past. One company offers you the chance to cut your hotel room bill in half if you are willing to share your room for the night with a stranger. That company is Cuervo Gold.
• The Tour de France is underway as cyclists are racing for two weeks to every corner of France and back to Paris. It's the most prestigious bicycle race in the world. I can't believe I'm the only one thinking that the Tour would be a lot more entertaining if the contestants also delivered newspapers.
• Subway restaurants announced franchise agreements Monday aimed at adding nine thousand new Subway restaurants around the world in Latin America, the Middle East, Europe and Asia. The franchise brand is riding high today on their new advertising slogan. Subway: Our Subs Don't Implode.
• The Supreme Court handed down a landmark decision Thursday striking down the race-based college admission standards as unconstitutional. The High Court ruling signaled affirmative action's death knell. Asian Americans across the country celebrated the decision with a five-minute study break.
• The Supreme Court's decision on affirmative action was a huge win for high performing Asian American kids. Their reputation in scholastics far exceeds their reputation behind the wheel here in Los Angeles. If loaning my car to Asian girlfriends has taught me anything, it's how to re-fold an airbag.
• President Biden urged colleges to adopt adversity admissions standards to help minorities evade the affirmative action ban. Progressives insinuate themselves into the college admissions process the same way the Amish go hunting. They sneak up behind a deer in the forest then build a house around it.
• The Weather Channel reported Friday on the continued presence of a high pressure heat dome over the country that is bringing miserable hot weather to the nation on July 4th. The humidity makes it worse the further east you go. This week the South is hotter than Hunter Biden's kitchen spoon.
• The New York Post ran a selfie of Hunter Biden driving at high speed with a crack pipe in his hand in 2018 while en route to a booze and stripper orgy in Vegas. I sympathize with him, because Hunter and I quit doing alcohol and cocaine under the exact same circumstances. It was everybody else's idea.
• Real Estate World says that Palm Springs and South Florida gated community homes and golf resorts are doing huge business selling to retiring Baby Boomers. Golf is the perfect sport for us. I'm a Baby Boomer, which means I'd never sell my soul but I will cheerfully rent it out for instant gratification.
• The History Channel notes the Revolutionary War could have gone either way at the end. After marching north from Georgia, Lord Cornwallis was on Yorktown peninsula awaiting re-supply from New York, set to march north to end the war when the French fleet fleeing a hurricane happened to sail by and trap him. The British could have won the war but they insisted on wearing red in the woods.
• History Channel noted Independence dispersed Loyalist families into Canada and Alabama. My line of Hamiltons fought for the Loyalists, after losing the English Civil War before losing the Civil War. My family has seen a lot of changes in the last 400 years and we've been against every one of them.
• The Department of Transportation issued a bulletin Friday advising motorists that fifty million American will be on the road for the Fourth of July week. That number impresses nobody here where I live. The thing that's so great about Los Angeles is that it's only an hour's drive away from Los Angeles.
• Major League Baseball games will be televised from morning to night as the National Pastime claims its rightful place in the hearts of America. Bud Light just posted a photo of two Bud Lights next to a pair of balls and a couple of ballpark wieners. I challenge you to name a more iconic photo for 2023.
• The New York Post covered the arrival of the Rolling Stones to New York Friday for a photo shoot promoting their next tour and to make a wedding announcement. Mick Jagger, age 79, just got engaged to ballerina Melanie Hamrick who's half his age. They plan to honeymoon at Viagra Falls.
• Hunter Biden found himself cornered Thursday by IRS and Justice Department whistleblowers who backed previous accounts of him shaking down foreigners, even mentioning a ten percent cut for the Big Guy. Last week the president finally punished Hunter. His cut is twenty percent from now on.
• A White House source said Hunter was high on cocaine when he shook down a Chinese official by saying Joe was there. To be fair, cocaine was legal in 1898 when we defeated Spain, seized Cuba, Puerto Rico, Guam, Philippines and annexed Hawaii, all in just 30 days. Never say we can't win a War on Drugs.
• The Women of the View ripped the GOP presidential field Friday. They accuse Indo Americans Nikki Haley and Vivek Ramaswamy, African American Tim Scott, and Cuban American Frances Suarez of being white supremacists. It appears white supremacists are the most diverse group in the U.S.
• Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg awarded a ten million dollar grant to Howard University to address racism in transportation. No one is ordered to sit in the back of the bus anymore. Chris Christie was recently ordered to sit on the other side of the bus, but that was to keep it from tipping over.
• The London Daily Mail reported that French President Macron called out the French Army to help police restore order in French cities on Saturday as violent riots raged in France for the fifth straight day and night. I would suggest that Macron invite the Germans over. That will stop the fighting.
• History Channel profiled the Marquis de Lafayette telling how he convinced King Louis to build the French fleet that accidentally trapped Lord Cornwallis at Yorktown in 1781. Nine years later the House of Lords voted Lafayette an estate in England as sanctuary from French revolutionary mobs, in a motion introduced by Lord Cornwallis. His statuette should stand on every Good Sportsmanship Trophy.
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