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• Harvard released a study that found July Fourth celebrations tend to turn school children into conservatives. It set off alarm bells in academia. The Teachers Union was shocked to discover that it only takes a patriotic speech and some fireworks to undo two hundred days of public school education.
• The Hollywood Reporter reported that Madonna was discharged from the hospital on Thursday and transported to her New York City home via private ambulance after enduring several days in the ICU with an infection. I feel so badly for Madonna. She's just a bacterial girl living in a bacterial world.
• Pride Month ended with a big street party in West Hollywood Friday where tens of thousands of celebrants strolled along Santa Monica Boulevard. They've been pushing the agenda a bit too far. Last week, I went on Amazon and ordered a forty-two-inch TV and a dwarf transvestite showed up at my door.
• The Coast Guard began the salvaging operation of bringing up the Titan sub off the ocean floor on Wednesday and bringing its pieces to port. Many people have been asking why the Titanic in 1912 didn't implode when it sank to the ocean floor. There wasn't so much pressure back then, life was easier.
• The Supreme Court issued a landmark ruling which struck down raced-based college admissions as unconstitutional Thursday and put an end to affirmative action programs. Reaction was swift. Harvard just announced they're the first Ivy League university with a thousand-member basketball team.
• The L.A. Times ripped the Supreme Court ruling ending race based college admissions. Common sense tells you high SAT scores will get a kid into state schools and family wealth into private schools. USC will stand for the University of Spoiled Caucasians and UCLA the University of China Like Almost.
• President Biden spoke to reporters Thursday and slammed the Supreme Court decision striking down affirmative action. Joe was thoughtful as always. When asked how it compared to the court's decision on Roe vs. Wade, Biden said any way people can make it across the Rio Grande is fine with him.
• President Biden urged high school kids applying for colleges to write essays on their application forms describing their struggles growing up. Joe didn't mean white kids. I don't think I could get into Harvard by writing about how hard it was to hit a three-iron shot out of the clover into a cold north wind.
• The Supreme Court ruled for an Asian kid who wasn't admitted to Harvard due to his race. It's a touchy subject to joke about, but let's give it a whack. I have always been proud of my belief that racism toward anybody is unacceptable, regardless of whether they're Asian, Black, Hispanic or Normal.
• The Justice Department issued a report on the prison death of Jeffrey Epstein Monday asserting that the underage girl pimp to powerful politicians committed suicide. I was very surprised to hear that Jeffrey Epstein committed suicide. Imagine how surprised he must have been.
• The National Film Board of Canada shot a fascinating documentary of the Inuit Eskimos and how they construct their igloos. It so happens police up in the Yukon last week arrested an Eskimo on suspicion of sexual assault, They want to know what he was doing on the night of April to September. The Coast Guard deployed robots from a Cape Cod maritime salvage company to scour the ocean bottom for Titian sub debris. There are ways to improve safety. Next submarine trip to the Titanic, each billionaire will have to bring a large sack of Lay's potato chips to ensure an extra two weeks of air. President Biden flew to Chicago Wednesday to deliver a campaign speech where he touted the economic success of his policies before a raucous crowd of Chicago Democrats. It took a while but they've finally identified the heckler who was shouting obscenities during Biden's speech. It was him. President Biden launched his Bidenomics economic program in a Chicago speech Wednesday then couldn't remember onstage what Bidenomics is. Earlier, Joe said Putin is losing the war in Iraq. It just makes me want to approach Biden and ask him for the billion dollars he owes me from yesterday. IRS official Gary Shapley revealed details of Hunter Biden's racket Tuesday. He shook down foreign officials for millions then laundered it through dozens of banks before it could be traced to the Bidens. It just shows how the first fifteen minutes on crack makes you REALLY attentive to details. IRS whistleblower Gary Shapley said Hunter Biden wrote off the cost of call girls, membership in a Hollywood swingers sex club, cocaine and hotel rooms for drug dealers as business expenses on his IRS return. This was a common practice in late 1970s Los Angeles. You wrote it off under Snacks. Donald Trump accused the Special Counsel's office of leaking an audio tape to the media which has him telling a biographer at Mar-a-Lago about U.S. contingency plans to attack Iran. The threat didn't change with administrations. Joe Biden was first to charge that Iran was responsible for 7-Eleven. History Channel noted the anniversary of World War I, which started when a Serb assassinated Austria's Archduke on the parade route in Sarajeveo. At parade's end he ordered his driver to turn around and go back up for one more round of applause, giving the Serb time to shoot him. Thus 75 years of carnage followed because the Archduke forgot the first rule of show business, always leave them wanting more.
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