Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• President Trump warned that the U.S. will respond to the Iranian military shooting down a U.S. Apache helicopter over the Strait of Hormuz Tuesday. Yesterday I took an Uber and my driver was Iranian and she had the country music station playing. They must be getting ready for U.S. ground troops

• Iran air defense installations were destroyed by U.S. missile strikes on Tuesday. The day before, Iran attacked Israel for attacking Hezbollah while the U.S. attacked Iranian missile sites for attacking Kuwait. We should drop referring to the region as the Middle East and rename it the Trump OK Corral.

• Pentagon generals urged President Trump Tuesday to forget a peace deal and resume the war to end Iran's regime. Iran is stalling to let gas prices stay high, to cause the GOP to lose the mid-terms. It would leave Trump in the exact same position as the Ayatollah, without a leg to stand on in the House.

• President Trump vowed just a proportional reply to the chopper shoot-down to keep a peace deal live. The pattern is clear. The Iran cease-fire has entered into the same category as the typical American's weight-loss diet – technically active, frequently violated and constantly being re-negotiated.

• President Trump was booed by Knicks fans at an NBA Finals game Monday. He's attended the Ryder Cup, World Series, Super Bowl, U.S. Tennis Open, Army-Navy game and College Football title game. Trump's only missed attending the National Spelling Bee, which is considered India's Super Bowl.

• The House of Representatives passed the Senate's $70 billion bill to fund Homeland Security and ICE for the next 3 years Tuesday by a vote of 214-212. I celebrated the vote. Today one of my girlfriends told me she wanted to be swept off her feet and taken to the tropics, so I turned her in to ICE.

• NASA announced details of the Artemis 2 scheduled landing on the south pole of the moon in 2028. They said the 4-person crew that lands on the moon will consist of two whites, one Hispanic, and one black guy. Thank goodness, at least we know one of them will be able to perform the Moonwalk.

• Men's Health magazine in June published a strenuous exercise routine for Baby Boomer men that includes jogging, chin-ups, push-ups and sit-ups. Last night while I was lying on the floor and watching TV, I did thousand crunches in only 20 minutes. It's the fastest I ever ate a bag of potato chips.

• CBS News reports a 44-year-old Memphis man named Benjamin Owen sneaked onto Jeffrey Epstein's estate on Epstein Island looking for beautiful women. Security guards hog-tied him and threw him into a dungeon. He'd completely misunderstood when Court TV reported that the resort was full of 10's.

• The Southern Poverty Law Center testified in a House hearing about why they spent millions to infiltrate hate groups to burn crosses and incite more liberal contributions. Some see it as a brilliant scheme to con donors out of more money. Congress loves attending these continuing education seminars.

• Maine Democrats overwhelmingly voted for Graham Platner to be their U.S. Senate candidate in November, looking past his questionable views. He's a self-proclaimed communist who sports a Nazi tattoo. The Democrats have managed to nominate a guy who could invade Poland from either direction.

• Belfast police arrested a 30-year-old Muslim Sudanese immigrant for attempting to behead an Ulster citizen with a knife in a park. It's stirred up a local anti-Muslim anti immigrant backlash. A criminal like him cast a bad light on all the peaceful beheaders in the UK simply trying to live their lives.

• GOP candidate Steve Hilton advanced to the general election for California Governor this fall Tuesday. Although Republicans are vastly outnumbered by Democrats, Steve Hilton has what it takes to win in California, a British accent. Left or right, black, white, brown or Asian, we're all royalists at heart.

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