Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• The Gay Pride Parade in West Hollywood is expecting a million marchers Sunday to march on Santa Monica Boulevard in solidarity. I mean no disrespect but I have one question for the LGBTQ community. If a trans-gender kid goes missing, do they place his picture on a carton of Half and Half?

• Conan O'Brien ripped the Trump administration in his Harvard commencement address. This could be professional jealousy. When you hear Conan O'Brien tell a joke, you say to yourself, that's funny, but when you hear Trump tell a joke, you laugh out loud and milk comes out of your nose.

• Jill Biden's book tour brought her to ABC's Women of the View last week to plug her memoir, The View from the East Wing. The interview provided a big relief. Jill assured ABC viewers that Joe's old age and cognitive decline did NOT affect her ability to serve as President of the United States.

• Joe Biden crashed Jill's speaking event in New York plugging her memoir Thursday. Jill told the audience that she is certain that her husband would have beaten Trump in 2024 in the race for the White House. I doubt that, but I do think Joe will definitely beat him in the race for the White Light.

• Al Sharpton on Thursday declared that Trump is acting like a Southern slave owner by staging cage matches on the White House lawn. They need new names to call him. Progressives stopped calling Trump Hitler since they discovered in this election cycle it improves your poll numbers in Maine.

• The New York Times aired dirt on Maine Senate candidate Graham Platner Thursday. He has a Nazi tattoo, he enjoys masturbating in porta-potties, drinks heavily and vows to rape any burglar he caught in his home. He's so racist that on his oyster farm if he finds a black pearl he throws it back in the water.

• The White House canceled the Freedom 250 music concert because musical acts kept dropping out. They feared being boycotted by the music industry for associating with Trump. So if you're asking why negotiations with Iran keeps dragging out, remember Donald Trump couldn't close Milli Vanilli.

• The Department of Justice and the FBI summoned the media Thursday to publish the photos of illegal immigrants who have bilked taxpayers out of millions through bank fraud, mail fraud, welfare fraud and Medicaid fraud. If convicted they each could face 20 to 40 years in the United States Congress.

• Politico reported that Democratic Socialists were surging to control the narrative of the Democratic Party. This crowd isn't kidding around. Democratic Socialists believe as an article of faith that the only way to defeat Trump's fascism is with high taxes, censorship and government control of everything.

• Senator Lindsay Graham slammed Democrats for voting to table the Voter ID legislation from a spending bill. He charged that no ID makes it easy for Democrats to cheat. It didn't look good when Karen Bass claimed victory in the L.A. mayoral primary Tuesday after Forest Lawn put her over the top.

• President Trump is reported canceling deploying 1,000 Tomahawk missiles in Germany to keep from provoking Russia from starting World War III over them. It's a safe strategic move. If we give Germany long-range missiles they may turn around halfway to Russia and land on London out of habit. Business Week says Space X's IPO will make Elon Musk the world's first trillionaire. Wait, I'm sure there have been a lot of trillionaires in Zimbabwe in recent years. I happen to have a framed $100 million Zimbabwe dollar bill with President Mugabe's portrait on it pinned to my office cork board.

• Homeland Security chief Markwayne Mullin reported to a House Committee that the border wall will be complete from the Pacific Ocean to the Gulf of America by this time next year. There was outrage south of the border. Everybody loves to say Viva Mexico but no one wants Viva in Mexico.

• West Hollywood is blocked off streets Friday preparing for the city's annual Gay Pride Parade that took place on Santa Monica Boulevard Sunday, also featuring decorative floats made by local businesses. Last year the event drew one million people to the mile-long parade. It was won by a Kenyan.

• Scott Pelley was fired from CBS' 60 Minutes Tuesday after Pelley staged an angry confrontation with producers over the show's new direction. CBS recently fired two other angry 60 Minutes reporters well as Stephen Colbert. This year, CBS on-air talent have been fired more times than a Civil War cannon.

• Fox News aired video of Pope Leo at the Ferrari manufacturing plant in Italy Wednesday where His Holiness was allowed to test-drive the first electric Ferrari. The pope has done a great job of pulling the Vatican out of its recent cash crisis. The church's finances are finally in order thanks to St. Venmo.

• The New York Knicks made the NBA Finals for the first time in 27 years this week and tickets at Madison Square Garden are costing $4,000 for the cheapest seats and $200,000 for courtside seating. It could be worse. Why not sell beer for 10 cents and charge $10,000 for tokens to get into the bathroom.

• Homeland Security Secretary Mark Wayne Mullin testified before the House Homeland Security Committee Wednesday. He reported that a border wall from the Pacific to the Gulf of America will be finished by this time next year. People in Latin America are upset about the wall, but they'll get over it.

• Marco Rubio was ripped by Democrats in hearings for ending foreign aid programs like USAID. It is an NGO piggy bank that kicked back to Democrats. Angelina Jolie did a TV ad for the children of Africa and the children of Africa pitched in, and today Angelina is getting the nourishment she needs.

• The House passed a War Powers Act resolution calling for Trump to end to the Iran war and sent it to the Senate, Trump will veto it. If you read what the Founders gave the President in our Constitution you learn the 13 Colonies revolted because they felt King George didn't have enough power.

• U.S. peace talks with Iran stalled over Iran's anger over Israeli attacks on Hezbollah in Lebanon as Iran's leadership continued rotating. On Sunday, Iran's president submitted a letter of resignation to the Supreme Leader. It's reported he's stepping down in order to spend more time alive.

• Jill Biden continued plowing through TV interviews on her book tour last week, appearing on The View. She tried to explain why she thought Joe was having a stroke during the debate then went to a Waffle House and rally afterwards. Jill's plugging her memoir My Struggles with Amnesia.

• Californians felt a political earthquake when Republican Steve Hilton led all primary opponents and made the November ballot. Meanwhile Trump voter Spencer Pratt made the fall ballot for L.A. mayor. Governor Gavin Newsom was so upset he held up his pistol and put a bullet in his train.

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