Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• The Department of Transportation forecast Monday that a record number of Americans will be on the highways Memorial Day weekend. They predict thirty-eight million Americans on the road. That number includes drivers, their families, and a record number of Boeing passengers making splats.

• WNBA Las Vegas Aces star center Ajay Wilson declared the reason rookie Caitlin Clark got such a huge Nike endorsement deal is because she's white. However I think it's her astonishingly accurate long-range shooting. The reason that Caitlin Clark sinks so many 3s is because there are no 4s.

• Donald Trump former lawyer Michael Cohen took the stand Monday and revealed he secretly tape-recorded his office phone conversations with Trump. He has his legacy now. Michael Cohen did for attorney-client confidentiality what Jeffrey Dahmer did for having a few friends over for dinner.

• Jerry Seinfeld's Duke graduation speech Saturday was interrupted by pro-Hamas anti-Israel protestors in North Carolina. The protestors heckled the comedian and then walked out on him in anger. It was in protest of Jerry being out in public and not wearing a yellow Star of David armband.

• CNN reports Anti-Israel protestors at Duke walked out on Jerry Seinfeld's graduation address after heckling and booing him. It's indicative of a new world. If Seinfeld were a sitcom in today's radicalized environment the Soup Nazi would only serve you if you could provide proof of Aryan descent.

• President Biden spent all weekend on the West Coast attending fundraisers in San Francisco and Seattle. He's catching heat from left and right for cutting off U.S. military aid to Israel. Thinking quickly, Israel just agreed to buy all the U.S. military weapons and ammunition it needs from the Taliban.

• King Charles revealed in an interview Monday that his recent treatment for cancer has left him without a sense of taste. It could have been worse. The King had an operation in which surgeons completely removed the cancer, despite President Biden's plea that the doctors try to negotiate with it.

• The Dallas Morning News reports that Governor Greg Abbott has signed a bill into law what requires porn websites to post a warning to Texas viewers. The warning must state that watching pornographic materials can impair brain development. Even worse than that, it can also cause blindness.

• National Geographic reported that Canada spent six million dollars digging for the remains of indigenous children. They excavated an area just north of the U.S. border. All they found were more classified Biden documents, the missing 300,000 Fulton County ballots and another escaped Zebra.

• Prince Harry and Meghan's Nigerian tour was interrupted Monday by news their charitable foundation was declared delinquent by California because they paid no state filing fees and filed no state tax returns. The state of California has no use for imported do-nothings. We have Kardashians.

• The Methodist Church Conference last week voted to re-unite with the Episcopal Church in full communion. Martin Luther created the Protestant faith in 1517. He was outraged by the Vatican selling papal indulgence for future sins and tired of going to McDonald's every Friday for Filet O Fish.

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