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• Daily Variety reports TV shows are spread out over so many platforms that sports and news are our only nationally shared experiences. This past week I've been unable to watch the NFL Draft or the NBA playoffs or the Kentucky Derby. I'm too busy watching the final season of the United States.
• Cinco de Mayo was a festive drinking holiday in America Sunday honoring the date in history that Mexican forces routed the French Army in 1862. Ah yes, the French Army, everybody's favorite homecoming opponent. I'm so pro-Hispanic that candy would come out of me if you hit me with a stick.
• North Korea's Kim Jung Un said Friday he has a hypersonic missile that can reach L.A. in 20 minutes. His CIA dossier says Kim dates underage women, takes Viagra, snorts cocaine, drinks Cognac and loves NBA basketball. You'd think he would spare Los Angeles out of professional courtesy.
• Al-Jazeera reported Friday that Teheran University will offer full four-year scholarships to any U.S. college protestor who is expelled while participating in anti-American riots and chanting Death to America. I'd add a warning to the Queers for Palestine. Before leaving, pack a quick-opening parachute.
• George Washington's statue at George Washington University in DC was covered by protestors in a Palestinian headdress. George, no Muslim by any means, brewed beer, distilled whisky, raised tobacco and grew industrial-strength cannabis. His first book was Fear and Loathing on the Appalachian Trial.
• Donald Trump accused Biden of running a Gestapo administration Saturday. If you keep score, the Democrats call Trump Hitler, Trump calls Democrats the Gestapo, and anti-Israel protestors now call for death to the Jews. The KKK must be mortified to realize they're now regarded as the Middle Way.
• Politico reported Sunday that South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem gave a thirty-minute speech at the RNC fundraiser at Mar-a-Lago on Saturday. However she was not included in the onstage photo with Trump and the other GOP speakers. Kristi's not just in the dog house, she's in the gravel pit.
• President Biden gave a speech on the economic benefits of immigration Friday, then said Japan's economy is stagnant because they don't like immigration and are xenophobic toward foreigners. The president has a good point. Just look at the way Japan reacted when Godzilla emerged from Tokyo Bay.
• The Bank of England said new British currency will go into circulation in June bearing the portrait of King Charles. The bank added that all currency with the late Queen's portrait will still be honored. The difference is, they had to widen the King Charles bills a little bit to accommodate his ears.
• The Daily Mail tells how Boeing's Starliner space plane will avoid deadly black zones during its trip to the International Space Station. It was also reported Thursday that yet another Boeing whistleblower has mysteriously died. The company should change its name to The Clintons of the Sky.
• The Methodist General Conference voted full communion with its mother Episcopal Church Tuesday. They are the two offshoots of the Church of England in America that share one handicap in common. Anglicans can't play chess because we can't tell the difference between a king and a bishop.
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