Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

The Palm Beach Kennel Club opened a parlor with 500 TVs for betters to watch the greyhound racing where it's still legal in Alabama, Texas, Iowa, Arkansas and West Virginia. The sport must accommodate today's culture. Last week, a Cheetah identified as a dog and set a new track speed record.

• Target hastily moved transgender merchandise to the back of store after customers revolted over the tuck-friendly female bathing suits on June Pride month displayed up front. Dear comedy audience, if I'm ever shot and killed in a Target store, please drag my body to Nordstrom's. Let me die with dignity.

• The Betty Ford Center broke ground on a construction project to build added treatment facilities for alcoholism, drug addiction and food disorders. The biggest surprise of my life was all the fun I've had in recovery. I went to a bulimic's birthday party last weekend and the cake jumped out of the girl.

• The House voted to end Biden's burdensome emissions regulations on trucks Monday following a vote in the U.S. Senate. It came hours after a U-Haul truck rammed into a White House gate. To be fair there are so many U-Hauls leaving California and heading East, it probably needed the parking spot.

• Capitol Police arrested a teenager of India heritage who drove a U-Haul into a White House gate and labeled the kid a white supremacist. It's all the rage. Last week Chicago Police issued a bulletin saying they're looking for a young white male with ties to a racist militia, and they got 300 job applicants.

• Hunter College in New York fired a woke female professor whose violent rage was all caught on camera Monday. She trashed a student activity table handing out pro-life literature and then held a machete to the throat of a New York Post reporter. CNN just hired her to host the next Trump town hall.

• GOP Senator Tim Scott began campaigning after announcing for president on Monday. He'd make history. Tim would be the first bachelor to live in the White House since James Buchanan, and the third president to live like a bachelor in the White House since Jack Kennedy and Bill Clinton.

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• Donald Trump was sued again by Jean Carroll saying he defamed her by calling her a whack job at his Town Hall. The first trial made her a public figure. If public figures could collect damages for being called a whack job, Trump would own CNN, MSNBC the Washington Post, the FBI and the CIA.

• Hillary Clinton floated her own 2024 trial balloon Saturday telling the Financial Times that Joe Biden's age is naturally a concern. Right now Hillary is busily engaged on the banquet circuit where her speaking fee per event is one hundred thousand dollars. Her topic is The Importance of Free Speech.

• Florida Governor Ron DeSantis was scheduled to announce his run for presidency Wednesday in an interview on Twitter with Elon Musk. That's something Musk thinks he could never do. Elon is still guided by the silly outworn notion that you can't run for U.S. president if you were born in Africa.

• The Arizona Republic reports that a fifteen year old boy in Phoenix faces felony charges after he was caught trying to smuggle an AR-15 automatic rifle into the school. The teenager tried to conceal the AR-15 inside his lunchbox. Only in America could a kid have access to a lunchbox that size.

• California Governor Gavin Newsom touted his environmental record while releasing his revised budget Friday. A new state law just enacted allows for human remains to be ground up, sifted and used in compost. The law passed with the full support of environmentalists and the Los Angeles Mafia.

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