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• The L.A. Times reports that tourists who visit New York and L.A. conclude that New Yorkers are kind but not nice while L.A. residents are nice but not kind. Our laid back stereotype is very real. I don’t display any bumper stickers because I don’t believe in anything strongly enough to potentially get my car keyed.
• The Wall Street Journal reports Anheuser-Busch is offering to buy back expired Bud Light from stores after consumers boycotted the beer for identifying it with Transgender activism. The resulting boycott has been killing sales. To win back its old customer base, Bud Light is adding mullets to its cans.
• The NAACP warned black people not to travel to Florida, claiming Floridians don’t value black lives. That’s silly. The state has the nation’s highest number of black-owned businesses, and if you get sick drinking screwdrivers, the Florida Orange Growers will be the first to tell you that OJ didn’t do it.
• Speaker McCarthy battled President Biden to cut spending in debt ceiling talks on Monday. It’s bound to become a 2024 campaign issue. This week every actress over eighty in Hollywood is up on Mulholland Drive being pushed off the cliff in a wheelchair, rehearsing for the commercial audition.
• Hillary said Saturday voters have a right to worry about Biden’s age but hopes he can stay sharp and win in 2024. She seemed to be hoping Joe can just live long enough to beat Trump. I just hope for Joe’s sake there isn’t a Stairway to Heaven or he could arrive at St. Peter’s gate with two broken legs.
• President Biden arrived home safe and sound from the Japan G-7 summit Sunday after his near steep fall while walking down the stairs on camera at a Hiroshima shrine. I admire his tenacity. Joe Biden has done a fearless job for two and a half years trying to prove that gravity is a white supremacist.
• South Carolina Senator Tim Scott announced he’s running for the GOP presidential nomination Monday. He called for a renewal of patriotism and religion and free enterprise and opportunity for all. The next morning, Scott was tried and convicted by the Women of the View for Anti-Soviet Agitation.
• House Oversight Committee Chairman James Comer Monday demanded an unclassified FBI document which an FBI whistleblower says will blow the lid off foreign payments to the Biden family. The FBI must have laughed in his face. Criminals are a lot less dangerous than a well organized government.
• Jeffrey Epstein reportedly tried to blackmail Bill Gates over an affair Gates had with a beautiful Russian bridge player. Epstein was also capable of blackmailing all his powerful political guests on his private island full of underage girls. I’m starting to think Jeffrey Epstein was hanged by a lynch mob.
• Hunter Biden told an Arkansas judge he can’t afford his twenty-thousand-dollars-a-month child support payments. Hunter is renting a house in Malibu across the road from a swanky alcohol and cocaine rehab. It allows the Secret Service agents to keep an eye on Hunter while getting the treatment they need.
• ABC News reported newly discovered ancient tombs in Egypt are five thousand years old dating back to the Old Kingdom Eras. The pharaohs were mummified with their hands crossed over their chest. That’s because the ancient Egyptians believed there would be countless waterslides in the afterlife.
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