October 15th, 2021


The Continuing Crisis

News of the Weird by Chuck Shepherd

By News of the Weird by Chuck Shepherd

Published May 25, 2016

The Continuing Crisis
The Most "Florida" Story: State officials have notified retired pro wrestler Mary Thorn of Lakeland that, according to the law, her pet alligator ("Rambo"), age 15, having grown to 6 feet in length, may no longer be kept at home unless she provides at least 2 1/2 acres of roaming space. She made a public plea in March, warning that confiscating Rambo would kill him, as he is super- sensitive to sunlight (having been raised inside her home) and must wear clothes and sunscreen when outside (though Thorn pointed out that he is "potty-trained" and wags his tail when needing to answer nature's call). (At press time, the investigation of Rambo was still ongoing.) [The Ledger (Lakeland), 3-16-2016]

The Most "Georgia" Story: David Presley (of Walton County, about 40 miles from Atlanta), 32, for some reason attempted to blow up his riding lawn mower in March -- by placing three pounds of the chemical mixture Tannerite in it and then shooting the mower with a semiautomatic rifle. Although he was standing 30 yards away, shrapnel still hit him, severing his leg just below the knee. [Athens Banner-Herald, 3-23-2016]

The Most "Canada" Story: Ms. Philicity Lafrenier, 25, was charged with several break-and-enter and theft crimes in March in Prince George, British Columbia, after leading police on a half-mile chase as she made her getaway on an ice floe on the Nechako River. When police caught up, she attempted to dispose of items she had stolen (even though still on the ice) by burning them in a small fire, but an officer and a police dog jumped in the water to subdue her.) [Canadian Broadcasting Corp. News, 3-15-2016]