Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

SIGN UP FOR THE DAILY JWR UPDATE. IT'S FREE. (AND NO SPAM!) Just click here.

• Variety reports a new James Bond adventure video game is scheduled for release for PlayStation 5 and Xbox in May. In the video game you help Agent 007 escape danger, dodge bullets and save the free world. The Bond video game is titled No Time to Die at the White House Correspondents Dinner.

• King Charles will participate in America's 250th anniversary events in Virginia today. America's Founders revolted over Parliament's right to tax Colonies which by charters belonged to the King, not Parliament. Eleven presidential assassination attempts have made every king since grateful for their loss.

• King Charles was greeted at the White House by President Trump on his arrival in Washington Monday. Many Americans are fed up with the never-ending civil war between Republicans and Democrats running for the White House. The King's motorcade was greeted by a No Presidents Protest.

• King Charles was given extra tight Secret Service security on his arrival in Washington at his request Monday. I see why. The last shooter to actually hit President Trump in Pennsylvania nicked his ear, and King Charles naturally fears that if Americans like to shoot off ears, he's too easy a target.

• The White House urged the media and rival politicians to stop referring to Trump as a threat to democracy, a fascist or Hitler. It keeps resulting in assassination attempts. Bill Clinton is the only other president who constantly had to live under threat of getting assassinated, and that was by his wife.

• President Trump admitted at his press conference after the assassination attempt was thwarted that he wanted the Correspondents Dinner to continue once they settled down. This is old stuff for him. President Trump has been shot at so many times even rap stars are afraid to stand anywhere near him.

• President Trump went on CBS 60 Minutes Sunday and described his emotions as the shots rang out. He missed one great laugh by referencing the Butler shooting as the Secret Service agents dragged Trump under the table. He should've popped his head up and defiantly shouted, Eat, Eat, Eat!

• President Trump emerged unharmed after a 4th attempt to shoot him failed at the White House Correspondents Dinner. Democrats are so demoralized some of them just enrolled in the NRA to improve their chances next time. Alec Baldwin's the only Democrat who can hit anything from 30 feet.

• President Trump demanded his White House ballroom after the hotel security at the Washington DC Hilton proved unable to keep hotel guests from wandering all the way down to the metal detectors at the ballroom entrance in the hotel's basement. Only Paris Hilton is easier to enter than the DC Hilton.

• The Women of the View discussed the social media reaction that Trump's assassination attempt was staged Monday without refuting it. And the cast themselves were sitting at the dinner. As for the View, I think it's just hilarious that the three angriest women in America are named Whoopi, Sunny and Joy.

• Cole Thomas Allen was arraigned in federal court on 3 counts including attempted assassination of the president Monday. The Cal Tech grad is reported half-black and half white. His black half got arrested and jailed after his white half ran into the ballroom lobby expressing his 2nd Amendment Rights.

• Magician Oz Pearlman was performing a trick with Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt when shots rang out in the Hilton ballroom. Oz was performing under the watchful eyes of 2,500 peers in the crowd. The White House Correspondents were there to teach the Magician how to saw a country in half.

• Correspondents Dinner magician Oz Pearlman's agent is urging him to advertise that he made 2,500 people disappear. I did the same thing when I once badly miscalculated and I opened with a cocaine joke at the Southern Baptist Convention. They'd have stayed if I'd opened with a liquor joke.

(COMMENT, BELOW)