Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• King Charles arrived at an exhausted America Monday for a 4 -day visit and White House state dinner. He was never more welcome in a nation split three ways. Polls show that 50% of the country loves Trump and 50% misses Obama while I just want to ask King Charles to forgive us and take us back.

• The New York Post reports a local miracle Sunday. Late Saturday a Democrat fell off a 30-story roof, crashed into a 20th floor canvas awning, bounced onto another awning on the 5th floor, then he landed soft in a leafy dumpster. He emerged griping that Donald Trump is the luckiest man in the world.

• President Trump is okay after an assassin tried to storm into the ballroom at the Correspondents Dinner at the Hilton Saturday. He'd have never made it past the 2,500 diners and 250 tables packed in a 500-seat ballroom. It was a chance for Trump to point out that the blockade is still working.

• President Trump shelved his monologue jokes and reluctantly canceled the Hilton banquet after another idiot tried to kill him. I felt for him. You have to credit Trump for being the first man to go to war with the Pope, the ayatollah and the White House Correspondents Association at the same time.

• Cole Allen was halted in the hotel lobby by Secret Service as he tried to rush the Correspondents Dinner carrying a pistol, knives and a shotgun. The agents got little help from the hotel. He made it past the hotel security with the pistol, the shotgun and the knives by explaining that he was the juggler.

• The White House Correspondents Dinner attendees reacted instinctively after the shots rang out Saturday, dove under the tables, then fled. In the midst of the melee, one reporter bravely stood his ground during the chaos. CNN's Brian Seltzer refused to leave until the waiter brought him a doggie bag.

• President Trump addressed the nation from the White House hours after the attempt on his life Saturday. He said he wanted the Correspondents Dinner to go on after the shooting. However his aides wisely convinced him it's just too hard to get a crowd to laugh while they are still under the tables.

• The Justice Department sent a letter to the National Preservation Trust urging them to drop their lawsuit blocking the White House ballroom for the sake of presidential safety at banquet events. The DC Hilton can't handle it. Saturday night's dinner was such a circus I'm surprised I didn't get the gig.

• Magician Oz Pearlman was in the middle of his act at the WH Correspondents Dinner when the shots rang out. I know what he was thinking. For years, I myself have seen a lot of corporate and charity banquet hosts create a diversion to try to avoid handing me the check, but this one takes the cake.

• President Trump said he hopes to re-schedule the Correspondents Dinner in one month. CNN, ABC, CBS and MSNBC all refused to cancel their after-banquet parties after the failed attempt to kill Trump. If the dinner is rescheduled the Secret Service will insist it be held in the Fox News cafeteria.

• The L.A. Times reported that Trump's would-be assassin Cole Allen traveled to Washington DC by taking a train from L.A. to Chicago, then a train from Chicago to DC. Train stations don't check his bag for his shotgun and pistol. Just what Gavin Newsom needs is another argument against a Bullet Train.

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