Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• The State Department was urged by Congress to strengthen existing sanctions on Iran Monday after Iran fired missiles, drones and cruise missiles against Israel. Luckily the existing sanctions did not prevent me from receiving my beautiful new inflatable doll from Iran yesterday. It blew itself up.

• President Biden was called back from the beach to the Situation Room Saturday when news of the missile attack by Iran was launched. He issued orders from the helicopter en route. When Joe first got word that the Jewish state was under attack, he ordered fighter jets scrambled to protect Florida.

• Israel was attacked by Iran Saturday sparking anti-Israel protests to shut down the Brooklyn Bridge in New York. The standoff was brief. The police couldn't get the protestors off the bridge but they scattered like ants when they saw an approaching cargo container ship marked the SS Baltimore.

• Al Jazeera reported Iran fired 120 ballistic missiles, 170 drones and 30 cruise missiles at Israel and most were shot down. Iran had to be embarrassed. Only nine people were slightly injured by shrapnel or running for shelter, but no one was killed. Hell, Obama's missile strikes killed more people accidentally.

• President Biden congratulated U.S. Navy forces in the Mediterranean Monday on all the missiles they shot down when Iran attacked Israel. He's on a roll. The Navy followed Biden's direct order during the attack and intercepted every missile heading for Israel and gave it a scholarship to Harvard.

• President Biden met with Iraqi Prime Minister Soldani on Monday. Back in 2006, Senator Joe Biden offered an excellent idea to end the civil war between the Sunnis, Shiites and Kurds by splitting Iraq into three countries. The Republicans agreed and suggested naming them Regular, Supreme and Diesel.

• The New York Times warned Democrats Monday that its new polls show that young voters are swinging over to Donald Trump. In response, Democratic voter registration drives are aggressively underway this week. Just this morning, OJ Simpson announced he's voting for Joe Biden in November.

• Donald Trump's hush money trial got underway in the Manhattan courthouse on Monday. The Democrats are risking a voter backlash by putting the GOP presidential candidate on trial in a heavily Democratic city in an election year. If convicted Trump could get four years in the White House.

• Donald Trump attended jury selection for his business fraud trial over an expired misdemeanor with a convicted perjurer as the star witness. It involves a porn star who laid down for Trump and a publisher named Pecker who stood up. The crime is that this trial isn't a sketch on Saturday Night Live.

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