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• Secretary of State Anthony Blinken flew to Europe Wednesday to address the thirty-two member conference of NATO foreign ministers. They're always a mildly skeptical audience for us. America's foreign policy problem is that we see ourselves as Dennis Quaid, while the world sees us as Randy Quaid.
• President Biden spoke with Benjamin Netanyahu Thursday and laid down conditions on U.S. aid to Israel contingent on its efforts to spare Palestinians. The president's temper lately is reportedly on edge. Bird Flu attacked the U.S. Thursday and Joe had to be talked out of bombing the Canary Islands.
• The White House is reportedly trying to amend Title 9 to let trans-gender women play women's college sports. It'd destroy all the fun. Last week, the Women's Beach Volleyball opening game on ESPN was marred by a wrist injury, but the doctor told me it'll heal and I'll be back to normal in a week.
• The New York Post reports ICE evicted six illegal migrants who squatted in a Bronx apartment for one year after neighbors complained of the constant partying. The six illegal men were found to have guns, women and cocaine. Migrants have learned it only takes one year to achieve the American Dream.
• The Weather Channel reported a massive winter storm swept across the Midwest and Eastern Seaboard Wednesday, spewing tornadoes across the Southeast. The Great Lakes were especially hard hit. The blowing snowstorm kept Chicago residents indoors all day, delaying hundreds of murders.
• Universe Today reported astronomers using the most powerful telescope in the world last week discovered a dozen new galaxies in the heavens. However the astronomers said a giant asteroid will pass perilously close to the Earth in 2029. Progressives warn that only an asteroid tax can save us now.
• Donald Trump ripped Biden in Wisconsin for declaring Transgender Visibility Day on Easter Sunday and then declared that Election Day will be Christian Visibility Day. Does either candidate watch the news? Every day for the last six months has been Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce Visibility Day.
• New York Judge Juan Merchan slapped a gag order on Trump to stop him from talking publicly about his hush money trial. Trump was pointing out that the people in New York who are trying to put him in jail are all Democrats. To avoid going to jail in New York he'd need to sell drugs or rob a liquor store.
• The Donald Trump campaign reported it raised sixty-five million in donations in March, capping quite a comeback month. His Truth Social went public, making him billions on paper. Then Donald hung five Hunter Biden paintings in his living room, and now Mar-a-Lago is worth half a billion dollars.
• Baltimore Harbor officials cleared a shipping lane around the collapsed bridge Wednesday for shipping to resume. Local reporters interviewed the driver who just made it over the bridge before it collapsed. He said he felt like the luckiest man in the world if you don't count that he still lives in Baltimore.
• President Biden came to Baltimore to inspect the bridge that was destroyed last week when it was struck by a cargo container ship. Joe Biden's signature policy is under fire. Shipping companies may drop their DEI rules that require them to hire cross-eyed pilots for cargo container ships.
• Secretary of State Anthony Blinken's government jet had a mechanical problem en route to Paris Tuesday. It was another Boeing emergency descent. The flight attendant told the politicians to place their heads between their legs, but if they could do that they wouldn't be flying to Paris in the first place.
• The White House said oil prices are so high that the U.S. cannot afford to replenish the Strategic Petroleum Reserve drained last year to lower gasoline prices. In L.A, it's back up to six dollars per gallon. I paid for a fill-up at the pump today and the four choices were cash, credit card, kidney or soul.
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