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• The Francis Scott Key Bridge is named for the composer of the National Anthem. It salutes the Americans who in 1814 halted and turned back a British slave-freeing expedition into Maryland. If the NFL Players Association knew this, they'd sing Dixie before they stood for the Star Spangled Banner.
• President Biden and Jill and Hunter and two giant bunnies hosted the White House Easter Egg Roll Monday with forty thousand kids and parents in attendance. The TV cameras followed the kids all over the South Lawn. They dug up 960 eggs, 2 boxes of classified documents, and a gram of cocaine.
• President Biden flubbed the opening of the Easter Egg Roll Monday by welcoming thousands of attendees to the Oyster Egg Roll. His bearings were a little off. Upon waking up Monday, President Biden looked at the calendar and saw that it was April 1st, and remembered to set his clock back an hour.
• California fast food restaurants began Monday having to pay employees twenty dollars an hour pay. It didn't discourage every entrepreneur with new ideas. I'm thinking of setting up a chain of chicken stands right next to every Chick-Fil-A that's open on Sundays and we'll call it Side Chick-Fil-A.
• TCM headlined its Easter Sunday movie line-up with MGM's classic Easter Parade starring Judy Garland. It happened to be the same day her daughter Liza Minnelli celebrated her seventy-eighth birthday. Let's face it, Liza has married more gay men than the Justice of the Peace in West Hollywood.
• Hip Hop mogul Suge Knight speaking from prison warned P. Diddy that he is in deep trouble for disgracing black culture and the Hip Hop community. It ends terribly whenever a Hip Hop superstar records a sex video. It happened once in 2009 and fifteen years later all five Kardashians are billionaires.
• House Republicans are threatening to oust their own Speaker in anger over the trillion dollar spending bill that was passed to avoid a shutdown ten days ago. America's credit's pretty thin now. President Biden just called Ukraine to ask President Zelensky for a loan so we can fix the bridge.
• The Wall Street Journal warned that New York's place as the financial capital of the world could be threatened by an exodus of businesses scared off by crime, taxes, regulations and threat of assets seizure. There is one new building sign on 5th Avenue that went up Monday. It reads Still Trump Tower.
• Donald Trump raised the $175 million bond to appeal his business fraud conviction in N.Y. It saved his New York properties from seizure by NY Attorney General Letitia James. She was photographed hours later seething and glaring at the camera in her office beneath her degree from Acme Law School
• An Israeli drone sailed into Damascus Monday and flattened the Iranian Consulate, killing the Commander of the Iranian Revolutionary Guard Mohammed Reza Zahedi. As they say in politics, that's show business. One day you're all over the front page, the next day, you're all over the pavement.
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