Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

Steven Spielberg thanked Tom Cruise for insisting to Paramount that his last Top Gun movie not be streamed until its run in the theaters was over. He said it saved the movie industry. Moving forward Tom Cruise's next movie will be shot in outer space or, as Scientologists call it, the Old Country.

• The Hollywood Reporter ran an article about older stars dating young women in the wake of all the publicity generated by Leonardo DiCaprio from dating women half his age. People magazine reported that Al Pacino is fifty years older than his fiancĂ©e. They are planning an open-casket wedding.

• Transgender activist Dylan Mulvaney became a woke star thanks to the Bud Light boycott over her image on the cans. Her face was also on the cartons. I saw it and just assumed it was a Surgeon General's warning that if you drink too many Bud Lights you may wake up next to a woman with a penis.

• Budweiser released a series of patriotic ads starring the Clydesdales Monday. They are desperate to retrieve the customers they lost when they decided to put a Transgender on the Bud Light cans. The greatest day of my life was the day I discovered I don't need alcohol in order to make bad decisions.

• Chicago teens went wild looting the shopping district en masse Sunday. The kids used Instagram to time the surprise meet-up and the mob was looting stores and smashing cars well before the cops arrived. The five-second rule for food dropped onto the floor doesn't work if you have a two-second dog.

• Elon Musk gave an interview to Tucker Carlson Monday in which the billionaire industrialist and innovator warned that AI could get recklessly out of control and cause civilization to collapse. I recently bought a book titled How to Overcome Artificial Intelligence. I saw it advertised on Facebook.

• The AARP set up a Fraud Watch Network to help its members avoid online shopping scams that involve scammers pretending to be legitimate sellers. The bargains they offer prey on human greed. I sure hope the diamond bracelet I just ordered for my girlfriend is real, otherwise I'm out twenty bucks.

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• Vladimir Putin responded calmly on Russian TV to President Biden's referring to Putin as a war criminal. The past isn't pretty here. The Cold War-trained leader came to power under suspicious circumstances, commandeered the media, cut free speech and sent troops into Ukraine, and so did Putin.

• Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg gave a speech in which he blamed racist roads for the higher percentage of minority car wrecks and pedestrian injuries. He's the first Democrat to accuse roads of being racist. Well glory be, at last they can sue something for reparations that's not my asphalt.

• The State Department sent envoys to Allies to soothe any anger over revelations in the Pentagon's leaked classified material. It was discovered in plain sight online. The Pentagon leaker is kicking himself for not leaving the classified documents strewn all over the garage where they would be secure.

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