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• Advertising Age reports transgender influencer Dylan Mulvaney has taken Madison Avenue by storm. Not only is Dylan's image on cans of Bud Light, but Dylan also models sports bras for Nike. Next we expect Dylan's image to appear on pancake boxes with a rag around her head as Trans Jemima.
• Bud Light sales plummeted for advertising trans icon Dylan Mulvaney on its cans. This could be a teachable moment for the Left. When they came for Aunt Jemima I said nothing, when they came for Uncle Ben, I said nothing, and then they came for Dylan, and I said your shoes don't match your purse.
• Women's Fitness recommended compression leggings after workouts to guard from muscle pain. Yesterday I saw a woman wearing ultra-tight Spandex leggings that looked painted on. I picked up my phone and I asked Siri how you get into those pants, and she said start with a double vodka and lime.
• President Biden was in Belfast Friday to mark the twenty-fifth anniversary of the Good Friday Accord between Ireland and Northern Ireland. The ceremony was held in a banquet hall. Britain's Prime Minister Rishi Sunak greeted Joe at the door, where Biden smiled and asked for a table for four.
• The Pentagon was livid Friday over leaks which show Ukraine is losing the war with Russia and that U.S. Special Forces are already in Ukraine. Some cable news analysts say Ukraine could become another Vietnam, but that's just silly. For one thing, we're never going to get the Vietnamese to show up.
• Ukraine President Zelensky shrugged off last week's bad news and asked for more support from the West in his zeal to defeat Russia, which Napoleon and Hitler couldn't do. For crying out loud he's a stand-up comedian. The only thing Zelensky can do that Hitler and Napoleon could do is kill a crowd. The FBI and the Department of Defense was able to go through the entire nation's records to track down the leaker of the Pentagon's secrets. But these files aren't the ones we were hoping to see. The only truly secure secret file in the U.S. government that'll never get hacked is the Epstein Client List.
• Senator Dianne Feinstein was asked by several Democrats to give up her seat in the Senate due to her advancing age making it difficult to participate and legislate in the Senate. This is a party led by Feinstein, Bernie, Hillary, Schumer, Biden and Nancy Pelosi. Their after-sex glow is the white light.
• The Democratic National Committee announced it selected Chicago as the host city for the 2024 Democratic Convention. It will draw one hundred thousand visitors and delegates to the Windy City. I love the city's new tourism motto: Come to Chicago Because of the Food, Stay Because You Got Killed.
• Mike Pompeo announced he won't make a White House run in 2024 for personal reasons, and mentioned his wife six times. That's usually a sign that a politician got caught cheating on her. And all this time I thought he lost all that weight and had plastic surgery because he's running for president.
• The House Judiciary Committee is in New York probing DA Alvin Bragg. He reduces felonies to misdemeanors, cancels statutes of limitations on misdemeanors and labels them felonies to indict Trump. Each day the courtroom proceedings begin with the singing of Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Judge.
• The Whole Foods Grocery Store on San Francisco's landmark Market Street will close due to all the shoplifting that goes unprosecuted. The indications of decay and anarchy are everywhere. Public service highway billboards urge residents of San Francisco to wash their hands after using the sidewalk.
• The Washington Commanders were sold by the beleaguered Dan Snyder Tuesday for six billion dollars to a New York investor. Also, to increase safety and lesson liability risk, the NFL mandated a new extra-safe helmet engineered to withstand a beating and prevent concussions. They're for the wives.
• The New York Post quoted ecologists who say the U.S. must build more underground water storage lakes or risk running out. Water can solve all your problems. If you want to lose weight, drink water, if you want to clear up your complexion, drink water, and if you're sick and tired of someone, drown them.
• NASA reports next year's Artemis mission to the moon will include a black astronaut on the crew that goes to the moon and back. We must do everything we can do to bring him back safely. The last time an African American man suffocated from a lack of oxygen, I thought we'd never hear the end of it.
• The Department of Defense turned the nation upside down last week until they found the kid who leaked Pentagon papers revealing that Ukraine is actually losing the war. I just can't believe a whistleblower who'd defy the official narrative can could himself an American. I'll bet he's not even vaccinated.
• Senator Dianne Feinstein was torpedoed by fellow Democrats who asked her to resign on Thursday because she's absent a few weeks with shingles. Oh, that's rich. I'd say there's a one-hundred-way tie for the handicapped parking spot in the Senate parking lot under the Americans with No Abilities Act.
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