Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• Saturday Night Live UK sketch comedy show premiered in England Saturday from the studios of Sky TV in London. The show had to work around one glitch. The cast were getting lots of laughs but at midnight they had to go off the air for 10 minutes for London’s fifth and final daily Call to Prayer.

• The Homeland Security salary shutdown prompted President Trump to send Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents to help assist TSA agents in airport security. On Monday ICE agents were stationed at all the major airports. In a startling coincidence, all the airport Taco Bells just closed.

• House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries expressed bitter opposition to ICE agents helping out TSA at airports. He warned that ICE would confront airline passengers in line and kill them. So, according to Democrats, if you don’t want to get shot, please have your boarding pass and your ID ready.

• President Trump signed an order that no other college football game played be played opposite the Army-Navy game. He’s attended the game every year he’s been president. The Army-Navy game is the only football game in America where the luxury skybox has more protection than the quarterbacks.

• New York LaGuardia Airport was the site of a spectacular runway collision on Sunday night when a fire truck crashed into an Air Canada airliner taxiing the runway. The fuselage was cut in half by the fire truck smashing into the airliner. Until now, I had no idea that Boeing made fire trucks.

• President Trump told reporters Monday that great progress was being made in negotiations with Iran. The regime’s leadership may no longer have any spiritual incentive to die. The Mullahs were informed less than 24 hours after the passing of Chuck Norris that there are no more virgins in Heaven.

• Iran’s Parliament Speaker surfaced Monday to deny that any leader of Iran is negotiating any peace deal with the U.S. after provisions were laid out Monday. The Parliamentary Speaker must be very depressed. Iran’s new Assisted Suicide Law requires a government official to show his face in public.

• Canada’s new assisted suicide law was challenged in the province of Alberta, delaying federal expansion of its legal use. Recently a friend of mine up in Canada who suffers from depression applied for assisted suicide. They suggested he move to America, get on ObamaCare, and twist his ankle.

• President Trump stepped up pressure on the U.S. Senate to pass the Save America Act which requires people to produce a birth certificate proving U.S. citizenship in order to register to vote for president. That sounds a bit harsh. We don’t even require proof of U.S. citizenship to be elected president.

• President Trump was in Memphis Monday then toured Elvis Presley’s mansion Graceland. The King was a patriot. In 1971 Elvis persuaded President Nixon to deputize him as a DEA agent in the war on illegal drugs after which Elvis was careful to overdose on only legal prescription narcotics.

• Senator Markwayne Mullin, a wealthy Cherokee and undefeated MMA champ, was confirmed head of Homeland Security. Wish he was in office a month ago. Many Indian tribes settled their wars with one-on-one combat and Markwayne could’ve defeated Iran in the Octagon in only 2 minutes, saving us billions.

• Texas Democrat Senate candidate James Talarico stood by his claim that G od is non-binary, meaning neither man nor woman Monday. We all have our religion sensitivities. If Talarico takes it a step further and he claims G od is not English, I will hit the mute button every time he’s on TV.

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