Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei issued a statement Tuesday demanding that the U.S. and Israel be brought to their knees. Yesterday the wounded and besieged Supreme Leader suffered his worst day in office. The Ayatollah learned that after he's killed the72 virgins waiting for him in heaven are women.

• New York City hosted a massive parade on Fifth Avenue Tuesday where one million Irish celebrated St. Patrick's Day Parade. I may be English but I used to love it when I was a child and my Nanny Brown punished me for cussing by washing my mouth out with Irish Spring. It's 80% alcohol.

• President Trump hosted Ireland's Prime Minister Tuesday and they disagreed over England deciding to stay out of the Iran War. Talk about weird, Trump doesn't drink and an Irish Prime Minister defended England. This wasn't a St. Patrick's Day party, it was an episode of the Twilight Zone.

• President Trump's Director of the National Counter-Intelligence Center Joe Kent resigned his post Tuesday in protest over Trump's decision to attack Iran, claiming that a nuclear Iran posed no threat to the U.S. This recalls to me the Mayor of Hiroshima's last words. What the hell was THAT?

• Senate Democrats who like Voter ID say the bill's birth certificate requirement to register to would exclude millions who lost or can't find theirs. No sweat. I know of a Kinko's in Honolulu that can print up a birth certificate which will make 41% of the country believe you were born in Hawaii.

• President Trump was presented with a white cowboy hat by the National Rodeo Champions in the Oval Office Friday. Once, back when I was a child in Oklahoma City, I fell off a horse and got my foot caught in the stirrup. The manager of the supermarket had to run outside and unplug the horse.

• President Trump hosted an hour-long press conference in the Oval Office Monday to discuss his war options and goals. Regarding Iran, Trump told reporters that a previous U.S. president told him in confidence that he was doing the right thing. Number 47 is always glad to hear from Number 45.

• Israeli agents in Tehran killed Iran's National Security Chief and the Teheran official who put down the January riots. They had already killed one Ayatollah and maimed his successor. Of course these killers aren't assassins if they're on our side, we prefer to call them corporate headhunters.

• Prime Minister Keir Starmer sent the Royal Navy destroyer HMS Dragon to Cyprus to defend British interests in the Eastern Mediterranean. I'm worried over how this could turn out. En route the British warship is going to have a French escort but isn't that what put Prince Andrew in the doghouse?

• The House Oversight Committee subpoenaed Attorney General Pam Bondi to appear in April to explain all the redactions in the Epstein files. We know this, his pimp won't squeal on him. If true love involves finishing each other's sentences, Ghislaine Maxwell must have really loved Jeffrey Epstein.

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