Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• President Trump nominated Oklahoma U.S. Senator Markwayne Mullin to be the Secretary of Homeland Security. He's a former MMA fighter and an enrolled member of the Cherokee Tribe. It has taken 400 years but leave it to Trump to place an Indian in charge of deporting illegal immigrants.

• President Trump fired HHS Secretary Kristi Noem Thursday after she fumbled the Minnesota protests, grandstanded in TV ads, and carried on an extramarital affair. Kristi's firing means there are now two less boobs handling mass deportations. Her followers are acting like someone shot their dog.

• Britney Spears was arrested for driving while intoxicated in Ventura Wednesday, a month after she sold her music catalogue to Primary Wave for $200 million. Her mental well-being seems to come and go. It's whispered that Britney recently attacked her ride share driver and she was in a Waymo.

• Jim Carrey's shocking appearance at a Paris awards show resulted in worldwide social media comment on the plastic surgery he's had. It's a common temptation. Yesterday I started to see what was going on under my chin and I don't want to be the one the president has to pardon on Thanksgiving.

• The L.A. Marathon today begins at Dodger Stadium and ends at Santa Monica. Runners at the end are often met by barking dogs that Santa Monica laws allow the homeless to own. They make nice companions for the homeless but the dogs have got to be wondering if this walk is ever going to end.

• President Trump issued a series of video posts on Truth Social last week to keep Americans up to date on the Iran war's progress. World leaders have been using the electronic media to convey their policies to voters since the invention of the radio. I really enjoyed the Ayatollah's last Fireside Chat.

• President Trump nominated Senator Markwayne Mullin his nominee for HHS Secretary via post on Truth Social, which is how Mullin heard about it. He's a former MMA fighter. The senator is said to be so physically tough that Chuck Norris has posters of Markwayne Mullin in his workout room.

• Teheran street protestors last week named a street after Trump for killing the Ayatollah. There is also a street in Jerusalem that they named after Trump for recognizing Jerusalem as Israel's capital. He won't rest until the Book of Trump is added to the Torah, the New Testament and the Koran.

• Secretary of War Pete Hegseth addressed reporters in Florida Thursday about the progress of the attacks on Iran's missile batteries. Democratic war opponents charge that the U.S. spent $5 billion on the war in the first few days. To give you some perspective that's like nine Minnesota day care centers.

• The U.S. Senate is taking up the SAVE Act after passage in the House that requires a photo ID and proof of citizenship in order to vote in federal elections. Democratic opposition to the Photo ID bill is fierce especially from Illinois Democrats. The Democrats have more dead voters than Jerry Garcia.

• England granted the U.S. military use of all their bases after Labor Prime Minister Keir Starmer initially refused, before he heard, I'm sure, from the King and MI-6. The civilized world is on hold for a week in the Mideast. A Dubai hotel just received a 1-star rating due to its faulty missile defense system.

• Iranians were seen on rooftops in Teheran cheering every time a U.S. bomb landed Tuesday, I can't believe that Iranians all over the world are dancing in the streets and cheering Trump. It's like they don't even care, or worse, they haven't even considered how it makes liberal white women feel.

• New York City had protests and counter-protests both opposing and supporting the military action against Iran. Uptown, in the halls of the Ivy League, a Political Science exam question is confusing Columbia students. If an Iranian missile hits a Palestinian hospital, whose flag do you wave?

• President Trump told reporters Wednesday that the possible new leaders of Iran that he had in mind had all been killed. The line of succession to be Iran's Supreme Leader is so destroyed they're pretty much down to an undergraduate engineering student at USC, unless of course ICE takes him out.

• Iran's succession bench was wiped out by the strike on the breakfast meeting last Friday. Days later the council meeting to elect a Leader was bombed. So today, in order to save time and constant screwing around, Iran dug up the skeleton of a dead Ayatollah and appointed him their Supreme Leader.

• Iran was reported naming the slain Ayatollah's son as the new Supreme Leader. An Israeli missile destroyed a meeting on Tuesday of Iran's leadership council that was to vote on the next Supreme Leader. It's the 2nd time in 4 days that Iran's leaders needed to either use Zoom or go Boom.

• The U.S. Senate on Wednesday failed to pass a War Powers Act restricting President Trump's military operations against Iran. The attacks and counter-attacks have yielded one positive result. The missiles started flying in the Middle East last Friday, and I haven't received a spam call in six days.

• Secretary of War Pete Hegseth addressed reporters Wednesday and revealed that the U.S. has cleared the Persian Gulf of all Iranian naval ships. In addition, a U.S. submarine sank an Iranian warship out in the Indian Ocean. The average Republican now owns more boats than the Iranian Navy.

• Kurdish forces on the Iran-Iraq border region invaded Iran Wednesday. The Iranian Kurds recently found themselves heavily armed and quickly trained and motivated to launch the ground invasion. I have always felt that beer and the CIA are proof that G od loves us and wants us to be happy.

• The State Department began evacuating U.S. citizens and U.S. personnel from the Middle East this week. The first plane out of Dubai slipped through the missile exchanges and landed safely in Newark Airport on Tuesday, and one passenger said it was really scary. He's never seen Newark before.

• France's President Macron said the French Navy will ensure the safe passage of oil tankers through the Straits of Hormuz. The French fleet was last destroyed by Rodney in 1783, Nelson in 1807 and Churchill in 1940. The French Navy is far more likely to provide a barrier reef than a safe passageway.

• President Trump spoke to reporters at a tech conference at the White House Wednesday and said the attacks on Iran are ahead of schedule. He wants it over soon. Trump always keeps one eye on his approval ratings and he's not about to let World War III disrupt Taylor Swift's wedding in June.

• Hillary Clinton's oft-contentious testimony to the Oversight Committee was released on video Monday. At one point, she shouted loudly at the committee and banged her fist on the desk. The last time Hillary banged her fist on a desk that hard, Monica came running out from under the desk terrified

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