Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• The National Football League just ended a record-breaking month in the number of coaching changes with ten teams firing and then hiring new head coaches. They can never seem to stay in one place for a long time. Bill Belichick is leaving North Carolina to become the next Ayatollah of Iran.

• Hillary Clinton spent four hours clearing herself before the House Oversight Committee Friday where things got tense during questioning over the Epstein files. However she came out of it alright. Hillary was able to clear herself of all wrongdoing by insisting that she never met Bill Clinton.

• The U.S. and Israeli attacks on Iran prompted Iran to fire every missile it possessed in a massive response. Within hours, the Iranians were firing missiles over Iraq into Israel while Israel was firing missiles over Iraq into Iran. The good news is, for the first time in history Iraq was celebrating Passover.

• President Trump told the Iranian people that Saturday's attack was their chance to take back their country. The whole idea is to re-install our vaunted Western Culture in Iran. A CIA-directed missile strike killed Iran's Supreme Leader, in hopes of replacing him with Taco Bell's Supreme Burrito.

• Politico reports that House and Senate Democrats hope to use the War Powers Act this week to stir up popular antiwar sentiment for the fall congressional races. Their number of anti-Trump voters is beginning to swell. The Ayatollah Ali Khamenei is now eligible to vote in the mid-term elections.

• The Israeli air attack on Iran Saturday killed the Ayatollah and 40 leaders. It decapitated the regime and Iran's line of succession was wiped out all the way back to the Colonial era, until they are now pretty much down to Prince Andrew. The difference is, the Ayatollah is satisfied with 72 virgins.

• President Trump urged the Iranians to rise up and replace the ruling regime Saturday. I know this much about the popularity of the Shah's son, the Crown Prince Pahlavi among the people of Iran. If he does not return to the throne in Teheran the mayorship of Beverly Hills is his by acclamation.

• President Trump posted a video Saturday urging the Iranian people to take over their country after 47 years of subjugation when the first missile strike killed the Ayatollah. The opposition was fierce. A Democrat federal judge in Washington just ruled that the Ayatollah must return from the dead.

• The White House reported that the Ayatollah and 40 of his top generals became easy drone missile targets when they decided to gather outside for a strategy meeting. I get their thinking. It just shows that old people would rather risk death from the sky rather than learn how to do a Zoom meeting.

• Al Jazeera reported that Iran's Assembly of Experts will meet in conclave this week to elect the new Supreme Leader, a new Ayatollah of Iran. We'll all be watching by satellites. My question is, to announce they've elected a new Ayatollah, is it a white mushroom cloud or a black mushroom cloud?

• Iran's Assembly of Experts met during Sunday's U.S. bombings to appoint a council that will name Iran's next Ayatollah. If there are no volunteers to be Ayatollah, may a comedian suggest the manager of Teheran's Target store. The T-shirt would get such a big laugh it could prompt a cease fire.

• Secretary of State Marco Rubio had to cancel his trip to Israel Saturday to stay with President Trump at Mar a Lago as the military action continued. Exhaustion is all over Rubio's face from all the impossible jobs he's given to carry out. He's now in charge of making sure Trump wins the Nobel Peace Prize this time.

• The CIA strike killing the Ayatollah climaxed a 47-year war with the Mullahs. On November 4th, 1979, the Ayatollah's mobs seized the U.S. embassy and took 52 Americans hostage. It knocked a 10-minute story about me off the Today Show and the CIA and I have been in the Shah's corner ever since.

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