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• Olympic hockey star Jack Hughes returned to play for the New Jersey Devils, prompting a huge interest in the NHL. I don't know much about hockey, but I plan to follow Nashville's team. Every day there is a new story about one of the Predators being interviewed by the House Oversight Committee.
• Bill Clinton faced a long day in front of the House Oversight Committee Friday. He had to answer for all the lurid photos in the Epstein files and the flights he took on the pedophile's jet, The Lolita Express. Bill is just lucky Hillary didn't volunteer to stick around and help with the questioning.
• Hillary Clinton testified in a deposition to the House Oversight Committee Thursday and denied any connection to Epstein. In the past, Hillary has said that Bill Clinton only flew on Epstein's airplane to raise funds for Charity. However she has yet to comment on Destiny, Serenity or Harmony.
• President Trump was reported considering an emergency executive order requiring photo IDs in order to vote in the fall federal elections. He'd do it to get around Congress. Last week they held a test vote in the Senate on the Voter ID bill and the bill lost by a vote of six million to fifty-one. President Trump and Socialist Mayor Zohran Mamdani met at the White House
• and got along great. Conservatives feel let down by Trump and socialists feel betrayed by Mamdani. It just proves to all of us once again that idolizing a politician is like believing the stripper really likes you.
• Kamala Harris posted a video slamming the Save Act requiring a Photo ID to vote. It could be a lot stricter. To join the Los Angeles Country Club, you need $300,000, your Protestant church confirmation certificate, and a genealogy chart proving that you have never had an actor in your family.
• Televangelist Paula White, who heads the White House Faith Office, is under fire for selling spiritual blessings for cash. She charges followers $1,100 for Resurrection Seeds that guarantee forgiveness of sins not yet committed. I would guess Ballplayers chew them before stealing second base.
• Senate Democrats shut down the government demanding ICE reform but it's costing FEMA, the U.S. Coast Guard and Secret Service their paychecks. Over the last two years the Secret Service has thwarted three assassination attempts. They no longer yell get down, Mr. President, they shout Donald duck!
• The FCC is reviewing the NFL's abandoning exclusive CBS, NBC, Fox and ABC coverage of NFL games and hiring out games to streaming services. The diffusion so destroyed Hollywood movie studios we're pretty much down to rereleasing Titanic just so we can blame another 1,400 deaths on ICE.
• Shia LaBeouf was ordered to go to rehab by a New Orleans judge after the Hollywood actor punched out two guys outside a bar during Mardi Gras. A normal person facing the judge would say to himself, I shouldn't have gotten drunk. But not us alcoholics, we say, I shouldn't have taken Canal Street.
• Stephen Colbert ripped CBS for not airing his late night show interview with a Texas Democratic Senate candidate due to equal time rules. Colbert's defenders point out he has the highest rated late night show on network television. But lately, that's like being the valedictorian at a special needs school.
• Car and Driver magazine ranked Los Angeles as the most dangerous city in the United States for pedestrians. I just learned that those stick figure decals on your rear windshield represent family members, and not your number of pedestrian kills. So I quickly removed mine, as I have no wife or kids.
• Luigi Mangione's judge ruled he won't face the death penalty in the murder of the health care CEO in New York City. While a fugitive, Luigi was spotted in a McDonald's and arrested. Luigi knew it was dangerous to go into a McDonald's but the McRib is only available a certain amount of time each year.
• President Trump's State of the Union speech provided two hours of non-stop comedy Tuesday to friends and enemies alike. The movie Airplane! came to mind. At the end, I laughed so hard all I could see was President Lloyd Bridges saying it looks like I picked the wrong night to quit sniffing glue.
• President Trump introduced the victorious U.S. Men's Hockey Team at the State of the Union Tuesday. Special mention went to goalie Connor Hellebuyck who blocked 41 of 42 shots. Trump awarded the goalie the Presidential Medal of Freedom and then hired him to guard the Southern Border.
• President Trump vowed to use other tariffs at his disposal after the Supreme Court struck down the emergency tariff he's used. The music industry gave Trump the idea on bow to get around the decision, It occurred to Trump after watching the Grammy Awards that no tariff is illegal on stolen land.
• Secretary of War Pete Hegseth said the Pentagon is working on identifying and releasing files related to UFOs and extra-terrestrial life following President Trump's directive. And so they're releasing the Epstein Files and the UFO Files. And oddly enough, Whoopi Goldberg is in both of them.
• Fox News says DD's Coffee Shop in Orange County is operating as a strip club where servers give topless lap dances, just a block from a high school. They've got human nature working for them. It's axiomatic among men that if you've seen one woman naked, you want to see the rest of them naked.
• The New York Times says the Trump blockade of Cuba is causing inflation, gas shortages and power blackouts threatening the communist regime to finally fall. They're going down fighting. On Monday Cuba's shore patrol shot four people in a speedboat with Florida tags, proving cocaine is still not self-serve.
• Gavin Newsom, whose father was executor of the J. Paul Getty Trust, told a roomful of black voters in Atlanta he is just like them, raised poor, had a low SAT and added that he can't read. It gets even worse. When an audience member asked if he attends church, Gavin said he prefers Popeye's.
• Bill Clinton is scheduled to testify to the House Oversight Committee today on his relationship with Jeffrey Epstein, one day after Hillary testified. In a recent interview, Hillary Clinton said her guilty pleasure is eating chocolate. Meanwhile Bill Clinton said his guilty pleasure is being Bill Clinton.
• Bill Gates hosted a town hall of Microsoft employees where he admitted he had affairs with two Russian women while friends with Jeffrey Epstein. Gates said he caught an STD from the Russian woman he met while playing bridge. Apparently Bill won a few rubbers but none of them were condoms.
• Larry Summers resigned from his Harvard professorship having already resigned as President of Harvard due to his friendship with Jeffrey Epstein. The list included the late astrophysicist Stephen Hawkings. Say what you will about Epstein Island, but their home schooling faculty was second to none.
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