Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• Boeing shook up its leadership Monday after a scary series of aircraft mishaps which included falling wing parts, lost wheels, and emergency exits snapping off the plane in mid flight. Yielding to truth-in-advertising laws, Boeing just adopted its new slogan. When one door closes, another door opens.

• Rap mogul Sean Diddy Combs was raided at his Holmby Hills home by federal agents who were investigating him for sexual assault and drug trafficking. Diddy has long been a leading role model for the Hip Hop community. I went to Target today and yelled put it back, and six people started running.

• Google initiated a new workplace sexual harassment policy which states that men cannot stare at a woman for longer than five seconds. You can’t make it up, the company goes by the five-second rule. Isn’t that great progress, women finally have the same rights as a sandwich you’d drop on the floor.

• Cross Country Skiing champ Gus Schumaker couldn’t answer when a senator asked him what is CO2 when he testified to a Senate about how climate change threatens snow. O.J. was better on the witness stand. If the Democrats wanted an expert on powder, Hunter Biden lives right down the street.

• Benjamin Netanyahu canceled a delegation to Washington after the U.S. refused to veto a UN resolution calling for a cease-fire in Gaza. They’ve been fighting ever since Jacob and Esau were little boys, but we think that we have the answer. Next we’re going to fix this Road-Runner-Coyote thing.

• Donald Trump got a New York court to lower his bond from $454 million to $175 million. He escaped bankruptcy, business, home, and property seizures by the NY Attorney General just minutes before her deadline. David Copperfield offered to put up the $175 million bond for Trump in exchange for the trick.

• President Biden proposed in his State of the Union speech a budget that would greatly increase the income tax rates on prosperous Americans. He's determined that everyone must pay their fair share. My accountant finished tabulating my federal income taxes Monday, and I owe Ukraine $63,467.

• The White House blamed the recent spike in gas prices on bitter turmoil in the Middle East. The snack prices at gas stations are no bargain either. When I was a kid, I could go to the gas station with a quarter and come home with a coke and a candy bar, but today they have got cameras everywhere.

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