Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

GET ARGUS' DAILY SMILES TO YOUR INBOX. SIGN UP FOR THE JWR UPDATE. IT'S FREE. Just click here.

• Beverly Hills police say illegal migrant squatters took over a mansion while the owner was gone and turned it into a party house. The owner should advertise it for sale now. It's the only house in Beverly Hills where the pool boy, the yard man, the maid, the bartender and butler come factory-installed.

• Bobby Kennedy posted last week that he is considering Aaron Rodgers to be his running mate in the 2024 presidential election. It's a very tough decision for Aaron. He must decide which is the more thankless and dead-end job, the Vice President of the United States or quarterback for the New York Jets.

• The Royal Family evoked support from the English-speaking world Friday when Princess Kate posted a video revealing her medical challenges. What a class act. Afraid of losing any attention, Meghan Markle plans to sit down with Oprah and talk about that one time Chipotle got her order wrong.

• President Biden signed a bill Sunday that bans the flying of the Gay Pride rainbow flag at U.S. embassies abroad. It stems from a problem the flag is causing in Germany. Every time German soldiers march past the Gay Pride flag they suddenly break into a Mel Brooks song-and-dance number.

• President Biden had a nice vacation at home in Wilmington last weekend. It let Joe spend time with his exiled dogs Major and Commander. The German Shepherds have calmed down a lot and stopped biting people since they stopped licking the sugar off the coffee table in the White House library.

• The Border Patrol reported that a Colombian illegal alien with gang tattoos was arrested at the border in El Paso who had photos on his phone of himself beating and torturing people. Let's not jump to conclusions. Hopefully this won't reflect badly on all Colombian illegal aliens with gang tattoos.

• Elon Musk's Neuralink implanted an experimental chip into a human that could revolutionize the field of brain-computer interface. The chip is programmed to allow the brain to control tech devices just by thought. All I can say is, if Elon wants to implant chips into humans, I hope I get Frito's.

(COMMENT, BELOW)