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• People called the wedding of the Golden Bachelor Gerry Turner and Theresa Nist the celebrity wedding of 2024. Spare me the garter. People who say that their wedding day was the happiest day of their entire life have obviously never had two Snickers come down at once from the vending machine.
• Kelly Blue Book reported that Sports Utility Vehicles now make up almost fifty percent of all vehicles sold in America. While waiting for my sedan to be serviced Tuesday, the guy at the Cadillac dealership told me the Escalade seats five people no problem. I don’t know five people with no problems.
• The Hollywood Reporter sounded a warning about the alarmingly low movie ticket sales at the box office. Fans are weary of remakes, DEI casting and comic book movies. This week The American Society of Magical Negroes is tanking at the box office, and no, it’s not a Disney remake of Harry Potter.
• The PGA Players Championship saw Austin Eckhart wait longer than ten seconds for a lagged putt up to the lip of the cup to drop into the hole. He was penalized one stroke for the overhanging ball rule. It is the same rule that prevents our two presidential candidates from wearing shorts in public.
• President Biden addressed voters in Las Vegas, Reno and Arizona Tuesday as he tries to reverse losses among Hispanics. In Reno Tuesday the band played him offstage before he was finished with his speech. The casinos want everyone back at the tables, and ten minutes means ten minutes Mr. President.
• Donald Trump was told he must come up with $450 million by Monday to appeal his so-called bank fraud fine. I don’t understand why Trump is being fined for over-valuation, we all do it. I told my last three girlfriends they were 10s and they told me I looked 40, and everybody went away happy.
• Donald Trump slammed New York Attorney General Letitia James for demanding $450 million bond from him before he can even appeal the fine. It appears he can no longer read the room. If Trump wants to pay no bond in New York City, he needs to stab someone on the subway and loot an Apple Store.
• The New York Times said Sunday Donald Trump is funny and entertaining onstage but then added that Mussolini and Stalin were known to be hilarious onstage as well. The newspaper forgets to add that Hitler always brought down the house. But he was a prop comic who did it with his air force.
• The Supreme Court ruled Tuesday that Texas state police may arrest illegal migrants crossing the border into Texas and deport them. They should hold a competition for citizenship between the migrants and the child traffickers trying to cross the border. We can call it Aliens versus Predators.
• GOP Congressman Matt Gaetz, a conservative House fire-brand, was subpoenaed to testify in a case alleging he had sexual relations with a minor. It’s certain to be a campaign issue as he’s very close to Trump. Joe Biden’s goal is to pay off more student loan debt than Matt Gaetz’s Venmo account.
• The House Foreign Affairs Committee held TV hearings on the Afghan withdrawal Tuesday. It was this week back in 1979 that C-SPAN TV cameras were first allowed to cover the daily business of Congress. It was an immense success, leading to the placement of cameras in other high crime areas.
• Iceland endured major volcanic eruptions last weekend that spewed CO2 into the atmosphere and alarmed climate activists. They bray it’s nothing to joke about, but I disagree. Think about it, in 3,026 years the world will either be a great place to live, or it will be a terrible place to live, it’s 5050.
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