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• Donald Trump was accused of threatening a bloodbath by the media for saying China sneaking cars into the U.S. through Mexico would cause a bloodbath of U.S. autoworker job losses. It may never end. Then the media said Trump wants to start a nuclear war by warning that inflation could mushroom.
• The Los Angeles Marathon was run Sunday in a 26.2 mile race that started at Dodger Stadium and ended at the Avenue of the Stars in Century City. The course takes them two hours to run. Los Angeles is the only city in the U.S. where running 26.2 miles is dramatically faster than driving 26.2 miles.
• The New York Post reported Millennial singles in the dating market are finding dating websites increasingly creepy and doing speed dating. I prefer spontaneous encounters with women to carefully staged planning. Dating is a great way to realize that dying alone isn't the worst thing that could happen.
• The Supreme Court heard arguments Monday in a case questioning the administration's right to try to edit or shape or exclude content on social media. The comedians will destroy them if they try to do this. I just want to see them try to tell me what I can or cannot say in a country that I colonized.
• American Heritage noted that Donald Trump and Joe Biden will set a record as the oldest pair of presidential candidates in history. There is worry in both parties over whether Trump or Biden can make it all the way to Election Day without suddenly dying. They both fly in planes made by Boeing.
• NBC News says President Biden shouted and swore at his aides in the Oval Office who brought him poll numbers Friday and told him Arizona and Georgia are lost. Joe really bit their heads off. It looks like Major and Commander were evicted from the White House for committing learned behavior.
• Donald Trump faced property seizure Monday when he failed to produce a five hundred million dollar court bond. They won't break him. Trump could be homeless and he'd be pushing a grocery cart with a cardboard sign on it that reads Trump Cart and sleeping under a bridge marked Car-a-Lago.
• Donald Trump said Friday China is planning to transport a huge car factory to Mexico. They'll then use Mexico's U.S.- free trade pact to sell the cars dirt cheap in the U.S. The joke will be on China when they bring a car factory to Mexico and then discover there's nobody left in Mexico, they're all here.
• President Biden's aides leaked Monday he's angry his aides keep him cooped up and prevented from engaging openly with Trump, the press and the public. His aides are holding back a tiger, we can all see that. In a related story, Kim Jung Un carded four holes-in-one and shot down a UFO Sunday.
• The New York Post reported that New York City had an unusually high number of workplace absentee-isms and sick call-ins Monday. After all, it was the day after St. Patrick's Day. So now it's important to remember that it's no longer cute to be a drunken national stereotype until Cinco de Mayo.
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