Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• The Academy Awards in Hollywood Sunday touched on geopolitics and world history when the Yoko Ono-inspired short called War is Over won the Oscar for Best Animated Short and then Oppenheimer won Best Picture. So we hit Japan with the Bomb and they give us Yoko Ono. We’re even.

• Robert Downey, Jr., gave a riveting Oscar acceptance speech thanking the attorney who got him out of prison 24 years ago. Downey is the first-ever cast member of Saturday Night Live to win the coveted Oscar. To be fair, I thought my pal Rob Schneider was robbed for Deuce Bigelow: Male Gigolo

• A Boeing airliner’s brake malfunctioned as it slid off a runway in Houston Sunday. Last week a Boeing airliner lost a wheel, an engine caught fire, and weeks ago a door fell off in mid-flight. The CEO of Boeing assured air travelers that all Boeing aircraft are built to the highest diversity standards.

• President Biden apologized for calling the accused illegal migrant Georgia murderer an illegal in his State of the Union in an NBC interview Sunday. Amid the resulting uproar, the White House spokeswoman said he didn’t apologize. What he actually said was that Hitler is a threat to our monarchy.

• Oakland this week lost its Taco Bell and In-and-Out Burger restaurants due to high crime. The city also recently lost its Wendy’s and McDonald’s and Pizza Hut. Those are all the same restaurants that the Biden sanctions pulled out of Moscow and now the Russians are the healthiest they’ve ever been.

• Donald Trump was mobbed by fans as he surprised a UFC fight crowd in Georgia on Saturday and gave a brief speech. The crowd was there to see eye-gouging, sucker punches, and knees to the groin and Trump’s speech didn’t disappoint. UFC fighters love these impromptu coaching seminars.

• President Biden spoke to a small rally in Georgia Saturday and likened voter ID to memories of the KKK and voter suppression. Kanye West himself wore a KKK uniform when he hosted a house party for the record industry last month but I don’t think they will accept him. Certain restrictions apply.

• RNC co-chair Lara Trump told Fox News that the GOP will hire lawyers nationwide to keep the non-citizens from voting. I think we should stage cage matches between illegal immigrants and sex offenders crossing the border to compete for a chance at citizenship. We’ll call it Aliens versus Predators.

• Charles Barkley vowed to punch any black Trump supporter wearing a shirt with Trump’s mug shot on it. He can also clobber you with his skulled tee shots. Last week, Barkley’s caddy left him on the 7th tee and went off to enlist in Ukraine because he said at least there he’d have a fighting chance.

• The Senate debated a bill to ban China-owned TikTok as national security threat Monday. Its defenders say the platform gives children a chance to show off their singing, dancing and comedy skills. The reason it’s called TikTok is because when you look at the videos, you realize the end is near.

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