Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

The White House went into crisis management mode Monday as GOP candidates for president smelled blood in the water. The clock on the political calendar is ticking and it stops for nothing or no one. I can't believe it's Bank Failure season already, I still have my Train Derailment decorations up.

• The Academy Awards aired Sunday from Hollywood's Dolby Theater and subjected TV viewers to the word diversity, which was mentioned twenty-seven times from the podium. But thirteen of those times may have been the celebrities referring to their educations. Such as, I went to Diversity of Chicago.

• ABC had another low-rated Oscars Sunday, the second lowest ever. The Oscars have become a four-hour lecture about how bad everything is from the people who enjoy the best of everything. I tried to donate to a homeless guy on the way into the theater, but he didn't have change for a hundred.

• Green Bay Packers star and future Hall of Famer Aaron Rodgers agreed to a trade to the New York Jets Monday. He's no longer in Wisconsin. To welcome Aaron to the city, the Jets presented him with a brand new Mercedes-Benz that comes with the side windows already smashed and the radio stolen.

• NBC News aired dramatic footage Monday of thousands of illegal migrants stampeding across the El Paso border bridge and rushing the U.S. border guards to try to get into the U.S. and out of Mexico. They looked like three Los Angeles high schools getting out at the same time. Except they weren't armed.

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• Silicon Valley Bank depositors had all funds ensured Monday. It'd been pressured by California regulators to fund woke climate tech start-ups which buckled under inflation-driven interest rate hikes. The bank collapse proved to Democrats that arithmetic is a racist climate denier and I'm offended.

• Fox News' Larry Kudlow said SVB failed once interest rates rose due to inflation. The banks were sunk by green start-up loans welded to climate change and diversity that weren't paying off. It's too bad SBV didn't issue any loans to oil companies or gun manufacturers or they'd be swimming in cash today.

• Dr. Fauci erupted at accusations that he once lied to Congress as to the origins of Covid. He now says a bat might have infected a lab worker outside the lab, who took the infection into the lab and it metastasized and leaked from there. And this, I swear, is how Iraq acquired weapons of mass destruction.

• President Biden flew to San Diego Monday to sell nuclear subs to Australia and England to help fortify Allied naval strength against China. The same day he tightened up the Mexican border and he okayed oil drilling in Alaska. Comedy fans agree it's the best Trump impression since Alec Baldwin's.

• Fox News reported on a nationwide poll of Republican voters Monday reflecting their preference for a GOP nominee in 2024. Donald Trump is leading with 42% followed by Governor DeSantis at 24%, and Mike Pence tied with Nikki Haley at 7%. Last in the poll is Liz Cheney at 2%, tied with Skim Milk.

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