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December 16th, 2025

Insight

Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

Argus Hamilton

By Argus Hamilton

Published March 1, 2023

Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report
The La Jolla Comedy Store has me onstage for San Diego crowds this weekend. While I'm down there, I love buying books at Warwick's Book Store because I have trust issues with Amazon orders. I paid twenty-seven dollars for a book called How to Scam People, and it hasn't arrived in three months.

Petco is planning to hold its board meeting in San Diego this month to roll out new products for pet health and wellness. Petco stores will be expanding their pet food brands to include healthier food for your dog or cat. My dog will eat anything, but put a pill in it, and suddenly he's Gordon Ramsey.

Minnesota protesters are targeting the thirty-foot-high Viking statue named Big Ole glorifying the Scandinavian ancestry of the state's original pioneer settlers. I certainly understand their resentment toward the Vikings. They've been to the Super Bowl four times in 56 years and still no Lombardi Trophy.

The Department of Energy confirmed what millions of Americans already suspected on Monday, saying Covid came from the Wuhan lab not an infected bat. Dr. Fauci changed his story and said the virus came from a bear high on cocaine. So he's now invested in Universal Studios as well as Pfizer.

The State Department issued the most alarming safety advisory since the end of the Cold War last week and told U.S. citizens to leave Russia immediately. And don't stand near any open windows. Last Friday night in Moscow a Putin opponent fell off the roof of a nightclub and he wasn't the bouncer.

New York Governor Kathy Hochul's poll numbers fell Monday over all the crime in New York City and in towns. Citizens are answering the bell. Last week at Half Moon, a man who was high on LSD and cough syrup rescued his neighbor's dog from a non-existent fire, proving that not all heroes wear capes.

The White House enacted a ban on Tik Tok being an app on any U.S. government phones for fear that China can use it to spy on the United States. Its posts are the most juvenile content you can imagine. The reason they call it Tik Tok is because watching the videos remind you that the end is near.

President Biden enjoyed a nice bounce in his job approval ratings published Monday following his trip to Poland and Ukraine. More details are emerging about Biden's eight-hour train trip when he slipped into the war zone from Poland. Even more impressive, at Joe's age, that it wasn't part of a cruise.

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Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen gave President Zelinsky one billion dollars to fund their welfare programs Monday, with nine more billion to come. The Ukraine-U.S. relationship provides a lesson for our own daily lives. Never call anybody stupid until you first find out if they will lend you fifty bucks.

White House spokesman John Kirby said the U.S. will not be equipping Ukraine's defense forces with F-16 fighter jets which they'd requested. However if you love action, the long-awaited German Army battle tanks arrived in Ukraine Saturday. I wonder if they went through Poland for old times' sake.

Kiev church bells rang on Saturday, marking the one-year anniversary of the Russian invasion of Ukraine. Biden's spent over a hundred billion tax dollars backing a war Ukraine can't win in the long run. Having Ukraine as an ally is like having a brother-in-law with a gambling problem and no car.

Dilbert cartoonist Scott Adams was dropped by papers after remarks pointing out reverse racism against whites that sound racist when his words are taken out of context. As a comic I say racism is stupid. No race is any more special than another whether you are Black, Hispanic, Asian or Normal.

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