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• Psychology Today published a study extolling the value of confession through either religious practice or 12-step programs or in-person repentance to relieve personal guilt. It takes effort. In my experience the three hardest things to say in life are, I was wrong, I need help, and Worcestershire Sauce.
• Liza Minnelli released a new song that's titled Wait Till You Hear This last Friday to promote her upcoming memoir Liza Minnelli My Memoir. Her birth date is a religious holiday on the LGBT calendar. Only the justice of the peace in West Hollywood has married more gay men than Liza Minnelli.
• Black History Month was celebrated in the East Room of the White House hosted by President Trump. He gave a moving eulogy for Jesse Jackson, who died Monday. And not to be outdone, Joe Biden posted a three-word tribute of his own to Jackson that read, Farewell Mr. October!
• President Trump may have accidentally revealed the existence of space aliens while talking to reporters Thursday. That night he announced he will release all the UFO Files this week. It will be the end of childhood innocence if the UFO files reveal that Epstein hooked up ET with Drew Barrymore when she was 7.
• Forbes says practical jokes can offer benefits for mental health, social bonding and workplace morale. So I called a London tobacco shop and asked if they have Prince Albert in the Pouch and they said no, but we do have Prince Andrew in the Can. I've waited my entire life to get that joke to work.
• King Charles attended the annual London Fashion Show Opening Day Thursday on news of the arrest of his brother, the former Prince Andrew. He said the law must be followed. The London police were advised ahead of the arrest not to handcuff Andrew because that would just make him horny.
• Prince Andrew was arrested on suspicion of public misconduct Thursday for giving classified information to Jeffrey Epstein when Andrew was a trade envoy. We know how this ends. Andrew is not suicidal at all, but he most likely will be the second Royal to be cast in The Great British Brake-Off.
• Prince Andrew was arrested at his residence on his 66th birthday Thursday. I'm guessing the hot chick who popped out of the cake was a cop. If convicted, he could go from a situation where his entire life was paid for by the taxpayers to a situation where his entire life is paid for by the taxpayers.
• London authorities didn't ban Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor from traveling abroad while he awaits receiving his court date on official misconduct charges. Andrew will always be welcome to come to Las Vegas, where he's lost a fortune at the blackjack tables. He can't resist hitting on 16 and 17.
• Kevin Spacey told the Hollywood Reporter he's open to playing Jeffrey Epstein in any movie a studio might make about the late pedophile. Playing Epstein would give Spacey a good legal defense against the three latest sex misconduct lawsuits filed against him in civil courts. Actors rely on research.
• NBC reported huge ratings for the Winter Games in Italy last week. Ratings peaked when the U.S. Women's Hockey team won the gold medal beating Canada's Women's Hockey team 2-1. Trump called it a great day for the U.S. and he congratulated the U.S. women on their win over Gay North Dakota.
• The New York Times reports animal research which warned against allowing your dog to lick you on the face. It risks catching pathogens, salmonella and E. Coli. I shouldn't judge the sex or eating habits of other cultures but the last time I saw Kim Jung-Un kiss his dog on the mouth it looked like he meant it
• AAA reports most driving in 2025 accidents were caused by impulsivity, risky driving and drunk driving. While on my errands Friday, I saw a bumper sticker that read I'm a Veterinarian Therefore I Can Drive like an Animal. It was at that moment I realized how many proctologists there are on the road.
• President Trump hosted a Black Heritage Month party in the East Room and paid tribute to Jesse Jackson, who died Monday. Accolades poured in from all over the world. Joe Biden said that Jackson was a great talent and expressed his condolences to Jermaine, Janet, Tito and La Toya.
• Ash Wednesday began the season of Lent for Christians this week. I considered giving up for 40 days my traits of womanizing, taking the Lord's name in vain and shouting old racial slurs with my windows rolled up at white drivers who cut me off. I prayed about it and decided to give up chocolate.
• Mark Zuckerberg took the witness stand in L.A. federal court to defend allegations that Instagram was deliberately designed to be addictive to children and teens. Everyone has an opinion on the issue. I agree with the Mormons, who believe Instagram is the gateway drug to Tik-Tok.
• Stephen Colbert ripped CBS when they wouldn't allow an interview with a Texas Democratic Senate candidate to air because equal time wasn't offered. Colbert's leaving just in time. If the FCC's equal time doctrine applies to Colbert's opening monologue, every other Hitler has to be Barack Obama.
• The Fox News coverage of the Nancy Guthrie abduction slogged on with no end in sight. The TV crime experts are getting a little slap-happy. Nancy Grace announced that the kidnapper is a WalMart shopper, which reduces the list of suspects to 200 million Americans.
• WalMart announced the naming of raised-from-the-ranks John Furner their new CEO with plans to utilize AI to expand operations. Now it's starting to make sense why WalMart has hired 500,000 U.S. veterans over the last 12 years, for it could only mean one thing. They plan to invade Costco
• Washington, DC, faces a sanitation catastrophe this week after a sewage pipe burst and spilled 240 million gallons of raw sewage into the Potomac River. It's only eight miles from the U.S. Capitol building. The U.S. Capitol gift shop is now selling a new women's fragrance to tourists called Chanel #2.
• The Washington Post praised the Black History Month celebration in the White House hosted by President Trump. The say it effectively showed Trump's support for blacks and black support for Trump. It prompted the Women of the View to introduce a new Winter Olympic sport on the air, Hurling.
• Florida plans to name Palm Beach Airport after President Trump. He wants a New York tunnel named after him and Dulles Airport on top of the hotels, office buildings and Vegas casino named after him. In Iran news, the president just announced the USS Gerald Ford has entered the Gulf of Trump. President Trump was reported to be deciding whether to attack Iran this weekend to try to overthrow the regime. Iranians have endured 46 years of theocratic dictatorship. I will always believe George W. Bush intended to overthrow Iran in 2003 but he hooked his drive into the left rough.
• Congress adjourned after shutting down the government. It's crazy how nobody in Congress can balance a budget but they all became multi-millionaires on $175,000 a year. You take office hoping the voters like you for your ideas, and in 10 years you hope the SEC doesn't like you for insider trading.
• The L.A. Times says California lost people for the 6th straight year in 2025. They were instantly replaced by the next round of comics, actors, beauty pageant winners, con artists, fugitives, Arab billionaires, teen runaways and musicians, all of whom who will end up as successful realtors in Los Angeles. America is tilted on a 40-degree angle toward the West, and everything loose rolls to California.
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