Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• The Lincoln Presidential Library in Springfield celebrates Lincoln's Birthday today to honor the man who saved the Union. On the day the Civil War ended, the bi-polar First Lady Mary Todd Lincoln confronted Abe with one question. Would it KILL you to take me out to a play once in a while?

• The Professional Cowboys Rodeo Association is moving its headquarters from Colorado Springs to Wyoming this month. Once when I was a little kid in Oklahoma, I fell out of the saddle and got my foot caught in the stirrups. The manager of the grocery store had to come outside and un-plug the horse.

• Atlanta Falcons rookie James Pearce was jailed in Florida on Monday after he was arrested after crashing his vehicle in a high speed car chase with cops. It began with accusations of a stalking and battery incident involving a WNBA player. The arrest marks the official start of the NFL off-season.

• Seattle scheduled an outdoor street party today to celebrate the Super Bowl win. The problem is, residents never know, on any given day, if they'll get rain, fog, heat, snow, hail or the tail end of a North Pacific typhoon. Living in Seattle is like being married to a beautiful woman who's always sick.

• NFL Hall of Famer Sonny Jurgenson died Friday at age 91. In the 1950s, Sonny was the first NFL quarterback who could throw a pass 75 yards down the field, but it did no good. They only had white receivers at that time, and Mickey Mantle would've been the only guy fast enough to catch up to it.

• TV Guide reported that 83% of American TV viewers now use streaming services. However, cable news can hold everybody hostage. For 10 days Americans have ignored the Epstein files, the Super Bowl and Winter Olympics, because we're all hooked on the new cable crime series, CSI Tucson.

• Fox News reported Tuesday a suspect was detained in the kidnap disappearance of Savannah Guthrie's mother Nancy. It wore me out. If anything positive comes from the 10-day-long manhunt, I think maybe we should add Hide and Seek to the 2028 Olympic Games, because we're really good at it.

• Homeland Security testimony in the House Tuesday revealed that President Obama deported 3 times more illegal aliens than Donald Trump. The reaction was swift. President Trump went on Truth Social to suggest that Barack Hussein Obama be renamed Pre-President Donald J. Trump.

• President Trump said he didn't see the cartoon ape depiction of the Obamas in a Lion King meme when he re-posted the meme. It wasn't just the Democrats who raised holy hell. Today, leaders of the Ape Community expressed their outrage about the Trump meme for depicting Apes as Americans.

• The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals ruled Tuesday the Trump Administration has the right to remove Temporary Protected Status from Hondurans, Nicaragua and Nepal, but I had no idea the Nepalese caused a problem. Disneyland just added a Mount Everest attraction. You wait in line, then die.

• Homeland Security is leasing office space in 150 locations nationwide from which ICE agents can launch deportation operations. They're focusing on Central Americans. On Major League Baseball Opening Day in Washington DC, Tom Homan will be on hand to throw out the Right to Retain Counsel.

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