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• The Weather Channel reported more El Nino rainstorms approaching Southern California this week adding to this year's rainfall totals of a Biblical proportion. The future doesn't look promising. Governor Newsom has promised to build an Ark, but he can't seem to find a pair of breeding Democrats.
• Donald Trump spoke at Sneaker Con in Philadelphia Saturday and announced he's launching a line of gold-colored Trump sneakers. Let the games begin. In response to Trump's new sneaker, Hillary Clinton announced she's launching a line of cement shoes and Bill started marketing knee pads.
• President Biden posted a video slamming food and beverage companies for the shrink-flation consumers encounter as companies downsize their products. He said he's noticed Americans are worried about shrink-flation. They say, Joe, lately we've noticed you are a few Doritos shy of a full bag.
• The National Retail Federation reported that Valentine's Day last week racked up $26 billion in retail sales for cards, flowers, candy, dinners and gifts. However my Valentine's date did not appreciate it when I handed her a bracelet that once belonged to grandmother. It was inscribed Do Not Resuscitate.
• The NFL Hall of Fame announced the 2024 Hall of Fame inductees who will be enshrined into the Hall of Fame in Canton Ohio in August. There is also a group induction into the hall. Johnnie Cochrane, Robert Shapiro and Robert Kardashian were just named the Greatest Defense in NFL History.
• George Washington's Birthday is observed at Mt. Vernon Thursday with patriotic speeches, a fife and drum corps and colonial soldiers on parade. This year the old plantation is holding an auction to raise money. They have way too many migrants on site, even if they have to start growing crops again.
• The White House reported Monday that President Biden is set to go to the UN Security Council to demand a cease fire in Gaza. The president is anxious to send the Palestinians humanitarian aid. The people of Gaza reported they're in desperate need of fertilizer, nails, batteries, timers and backpacks.
• UN officials met with representatives of the Taliban in Qatar over the weekend to discuss human rights concerns. Fox News reported on Sunday that Al-Qaeda has returned to Afghanistan where they've set up training camps and schools. Already they are offering scholarships to kids from Baltimore.
• Egypt reported retrieving five thousand stolen artifacts from ancient sites in the past year from museums and private collectors. At Boston's Logan international Airport Friday, Customs officers opened a suitcase and found four mummified monkeys. It was tough on Mickey Dolenz, who's still alive.
• Shark Tank's Kevin O'Leary warned investors away from New York after Trump's $350 million fine for haggling over property values with Deutsche Bank for loans he repaid in full. New York has its own laws. After the verdict Trump had to loot a department store and beat up a cop to keep from going to jail.
• The World Economic Forum last week established a Global Innovators Community designed to bring together the world's most innovative inventors of new products and creative marketing minds. Speaking of which, last week the inventor of the Pop Tart died at the age of 96. Rest in peace, Madonna.
• The House Intelligence Committee reported the Russians are developing nuclear weapons that could attack U.S. satellites in outer space. This past year, Putin was to have contracted some form of cancer. And it's up to President Biden to keep the rest of the world from getting the radiation treatments.
• The New York Times said expanded bio-metrics capabilities allow the TSA to expand its facial recognition screenings to identify terrorists and state enemies at airport security gates nationwide. Recent reports indicate that I am now wanted in fifty-seven airports. They were just jokes, Mr. President.
• The Hollywood Reporter reports that the Super Bowl drew one hundred twenty-three million TV viewers. To reach all those viewers, advertisers had to pay seven million dollars for a thirty-second ad. Nobody has paid that much money for thirty seconds since the New York Jets signed Aaron Rodgers.
• Tiger Woods had to suddenly withdraw from the Genesis Open in L.A. Friday. On the 7th hole Tiger doubled over in pain, sweating profusely, unable to hold his head up, and appeared to be sick as a dog. How many times has Tiger's swing coach told him to keep his opinions about Putin to himself?
• Jimmy Kimmel posted a video promoting the Oscars ceremony in March he'll host at the Dolby Theater on Hollywood Boulevard. It's a great place to go shopping. If the movie the Wizard of Oz had been set in Hollywood and not Kansas, Dorothy would wake up from her dream crying out for ATM!
• Donald Trump held a rally at the Sneaker Con convention Saturday where he launched his own Trump-brand sneaker for $399. It guarantees you can run every four years. The sneaker has a red bottom, which is not the image you want to project to other inmates if you're facing possible prison time.
• Donald Trump was fined $365 million for over-valuing his property to Deutsche Bank for loans he paid in full. I guess Deutsche Bank didn't think of using their own appraisers. The judge in effect ruled Trump can outsmart Europe's biggest bank, giving Americans yet another reason to vote for him.
• President Biden hit the road last weekend to meet with Americans and try to drive up his sagging poll numbers. On Friday, the president launched a compassion offensive in Ohio, and made an appearance before the residents of East Palestine. It was the second train wreck they'd seen in two years.
• Vladimir Putin continued campaigning for re-election Saturday without mentioning the death in captivity of his critic Alexei Navalny. Putin seemed totally unconcerned politically. Last night there was a break-in at Vladimir Putin's Kremlin office and someone stole the results of next month's election.
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