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• Denny's closed its restaurant in Oakland Friday due to rampant street crime, robberies, shootings, flash mob looting and carjacking. When the news broke that Denny's had closed, the life expectancy in Oakland went up five years. It was a welcome sign that crime is finally giving back to the community.
• The Special Counsel declined to charge Joe Biden with illegally possessing classified documents Thursday. However the report said Joe Biden is a confused old man who couldn't recall what years he was the vice president. There's no truth to the rumor that the report was ghost-written by Gavin Newsom.
• Joe Biden was cited by the Special Counsel's report for willingly storing classified documents in his garage which he'd illegally taken home when a U.S. senator. The president was not disturbed by the report. Joe just spoke to the late Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg who told him he cannot be prosecuted.
• President Biden confused the names of the presidents of Egypt and Mexico Thursday. He'd just said he spoke with a dead leader of France, later saying he spoke to a dead leader of Germany. At least it wasn't Hitler, who would have thanked Joe for keeping his name alive every time he mentions Trump.
• Nikki Haley spoke at a Dallas fundraiser and vowed to stay in the race despite her third straight setback. She lost by a two-to-one margin on the Nevada ballot to None of the Above. It was such a huge margin, the Libertarian Party just nominated None of the Above to be its presidential candidate.
• New York City indicted the illegal aliens who assaulted a policeman on camera Thursday. The assailant smiled, laughed and waved two middle fingers to New Yorkers outside the courthouse on his way to arraignment. It's more evidence that if you love your job, you'll never work a day in your life.
• The Grammy Awards last Sunday drew critical and viewer raves for sticking to music and airing songs by singers from the stormy 1960s music scene including Joni Mitchell and Billy Joel. For me this sums up that era in pop music. Simon and Garfunkel, who sang about Peace and Love, hated each other.
• McDonald's restaurants' CEO announced Tuesday they plan to have ten thousand McDonald's restaurants open in China by 2028 including four thousand new McDonald's in China this year alone. Revenge is sweet. It is widely believed that McDonald's French fries escaped from a lab in Idaho.
• Prince William, heir to the British throne, returned to his public duties Wednesday determined to project royal calm in the face of his father's cancer diagnosis. The news caused me wonder if Charles deep down even wanted to be the King. You wait seventy years for a job and then you call in sick.
• Stormy Daniels announced completion of the documentary about her life. I was once engaged to be married to a stripper but we broke up when she found out we had a housewife at the bachelor party. The thought of guys watching a woman cook and clean and iron was more than she could forgive.
• President Biden was ripped by media allies on CNN and MSNBC for declining the Super Bowl pre-game interview. It's just too risky. The campaign is afraid that if Joe Biden is asked what's his favorite Super Bowl snack he'll say he can grab any woman's snack he wants because he's the president.
• Hunter Biden pleaded not guilty to nine federal charges of allegedly failing to pay over a million dollars in taxes and also for filing fraudulent forms with the IRS. Don't blame his dad. To teach his children about the necessity of paying taxes, Joe Biden used to eat thirty percent of their ice cream.
• Donald Trump asked beer drinkers to forgive Anheuser Busch for last year's marketing fiasco and give the beermaker a second chance. This week Anheuser Busch is using its Georgia brewery to can water for California flood victims. They're labeled very clearly so people don't confuse it with Bud Light.
• The Pentagon announced the U.S. carried out a drone attack in Baghdad that killed Hezbollah's second-in-command Tuesday. He was in charge of attacks on U.S. outposts in Iraq. Killing Hezbollah's number-two leader seems like a big deal until you realize that Kamala Harris is our number-two leader.
• Nikki Haley finished behind None of the Above in the Nevada primary. She has a shrill voice, a bombs away foreign policy and she hates Trump. There's a painting on the ceiling of the Council on Foreign Relations chapel depicting Hillary reaching down from Heaven and touching Nikki's forefinger.
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