Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• The Washington Post reports that a pipe rupture in Maryland Tuesday resulted in a sewage spill near Washington which dumped 40 million gallons of raw sewage into the Potomac River near D.C. Environmentalists leaped into action. Test results show a 50% improvement in the aroma on Capitol Hill.

• Iran's Ayatollah went into hiding to avoid a targeted U.S. missile attack this week. The CIA has just found out where he's hiding. Apparently the dry cleaners misplaced the Ayatollah's turban this week and he had to address the nation wearing a monogrammed towel he stole from the Teheran Hilton.

• Daily Variety listed numerous celebrities who plan to move to other countries to protest Trump deportations. Angelina Jolie, director James Cameron, lesbian director Kristen Stewart as well as the country music star Elsie have announced they are leaving the United States. Self-deportation is working.

• Kanye West apologized in a Wall Street Journal ad for all his anti Semitic remarks including saying he was a Nazi and praising Adolf Hitler. Kanye said he's not a member of the Nazi Party, and that doesn't surprise me. I am guessing his interview before the membership committee lasted 2 seconds.

• Newsweek reported plummeting U.S high school test scores compared to Asian countries. To me the world's smartest kids are in Mexico, not Asia. Last year I was vacationing in Mexico and I was very impressed when I saw 3- and 4-year-old Mexican kids running around and speaking Spanish.

• President Trump braved the record winter storm Tuesday by flying to Iowa to give a campaign speech. After landing, the president talked to reporters outside on the runway for 10 minutes and he nearly froze to death. Greenland is crazy if they think this attempt to kill Trump will not go unanswered.

• Democratic Ohio Attorney General candidate Tom Forhan posted a campaign video Tuesday in which he vowed to kill President Trump if elected. He vowed to try Trump for murder and have him executed. I remember the good old days when all the Democrats did was to threaten to impeach him.

• Secretary of State Marco Rubio is testifying in the Senate about reported U.S. plans to change Cuba's regime. It's long overdue. While watching the 2024 Olympic kayaking event, I was surprised at how badly the Cuban team was paddling and then I realized that's probably why they are still in Cuba.

• The White House sent ICE Director Tom Homan to Minnesota to try to calm down the riotous situation there. A protest leader was interviewed on TV and he denounced his fellow protestor who bit off an ICE agent's finger. He said they prefer that those on their side observe a strict vegetarian diet.

• The White House won a court victory Tuesday allowing ICE agents to pepper spray violent protestors. The Border Patrol tried using pepper spray at the border when Biden was president but it backfired. Spraying pepper at Mexicans doesn't stop them any better than spraying beer at Germans.

• NBC News aired a story saying laughing at yourself yields mental health benefits. Here in L.A. I practice self-mockery, if only to save them the trouble of mocking me. The funniest thing about Anglo-Saxons is every time we stole a new continent we'd set up a legislature that throws you in jail for looting.

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