Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• President Trump attended the national college football title game at the Orange Bowl Monday night in Miami. Trump sat in the luxury box loving every minute of the evening, and it's easy to see why. The Orange Bowl is the only football stadium named after the sitting President of the United States.

• The White House held a roundtable for its Make America Healthy Again initiative to promote the Trump administration's health care plan and recommend healthier lifestyle habits. Medicare and Medicaid administrator Dr. Oz said we should not have alcohol for breakfast. I knew he was a quack.

• Bobby Kennedy urged schools Tuesday to remove ultra-processed foods from the lunch menus and offer fruits, vegetables and grains to produce healthier children. I'd say it's about time. The U.S. childhood obesity rate is so high that photos of missing kids can now only fit on gallon milk cartons.

• The World Economic Council of world leaders and business moguls is meeting in Switzerland this week at the Grand Belvedere hotel in Davos. The hotel conference perimeter is protected from attack by the Swiss Army anti-aircraft and artillery batteries. The only thing they blow holes in is cheese.

• President Trump said he hopes to make a deal in Davos for U.S. military control of Greenland, a deal which analysts believe will respect Danish sovereignty. Europe is preparing for a worst case scenario. French troops arrived in Greenland this week to train the locals how to surrender to the U.S.

• President Trump flew to the World Economic Forum in Switzerland Tuesday to drum up new business for the United States. The most profitable businesses are the ones that put the customer needs first. There are huge lines at McDonald's in Minneapolis ever since they started selling Unhappy Meals.

• Snow Pack website reported that ski resorts across the United States are enjoying a fantastic season with the snowfall across the U.S. upper tier. Winter sports in the Upper Midwest are drawing great ratings. Every day, Fox News sets aside 5 minutes for ICE Fishing to report their Catch of the Day.

• The DOJ issued grand jury subpoenas to Governor Walz and Mayor Jacob Frey to see if they interfered with federal law enforcement Tuesday. The same day, Attorney General Pam Bondi paid Minneapolis a surprise visit, causing a panic. Word spread quickly throughout the city to look American.

• The White House was accused of fostering a surveillance state by asking states for driver's license records and license plate numbers to catch illegal aliens. When I was a kid Americans violently resisted being spied on by the government. Today we just address Alexa and say Hey Spy, can cats eat pancakes?

• New York Mayor Mamdani called for the defunding and abolition of ICE Tuesday while his cabinet members ripped private property as a tool of white privilege. His political advisors give him these ideas. Every morning, Mayor Mamdani receives his Daily Intelligence Briefing from The Women of the View.

• U.S. Travel website says Costa Rica is the safest Central American vacation site for Americans to visit and enjoy this winter. As an American I never thought I'd end up in prison in Honduras, but that's what I get for trying to save a few bucks by booking a flight on ICE Airlines. Thank you Priceline.

• Speaker Mike Johnson is in London to address a joint session of the House of Commons and House of Lords. Last spring Trump floated the idea of the U.S. joining the Commonwealth. What better way to celebrate the 250th year of America's Independence than by re-joining the British Empire?

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