Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• A Minnesota protest mob interrupted a church service in St. Paul Sunday. They'd heard that the minister was an ICE agent. It's an evangelical church, and when the protestors came marching in at the start of the service waving their arms and shouting, the congregation just assumed it was the choir.

• A Minnesota church service was mobbed by angry anti-ICE protestors Sunday. It reminded me of when an Evangelical wandered into our Episcopal church service in Beverly Hills and he kept shouting Hallelujah! during the worship ritual. The usher asked to him to please restrain himself, but the evangelical said "But I have found the Lord!" And the Episcopalian usher replied, "Not here you didn't!"

• Iran's Ayatollah threatened all-out war against the U.S. if we try to replace the Mullahs. Their seizure of the U.S. Embassy and taking 52 hostages on November 4th, 1979, canceled a Today Show story about me as L.A.'s hot young comedian. I've waited 46 years to enlist in the Marines and get back at them.

• President Trump attended the Miami-Indiana title game on Monday. Indiana's QB Fernando Mendoza is a Cuban-American kid and I think it's a shame he doesn't have a receiver named Castro. Every time Mendoza overthrew Castro Trump would stop the game and give him the Medal of Freedom.

• President Trump spent the holiday in Palm Beach where Florida observes both Martin Luther King's Birthday as well as Robert E. Lee's Birthday. I believe that it's possible to honor the legacy of both of these great men. I have a dream that someday Cracker Barrel and Popeye's can share customers.

• Washington D.C.'s City Council hosted a celebration on the National Mall for the centennial of the birth of Martin Luther King Monday. The civil rights icon would have been 100 years old and much has changed. If Martin Luther King had a dream today he'd have to get up three times during it to pee.

• President Trump's standoff with Denmark over Greenland continued Monday. The U.S. has the mightiest military in the world, which the Danish could die without, while Denmark is the maker of Haagen-Dazs Ice Cream, which Americans would die without. So let's not pretend we hold all the cards.

• President Trump demurred Sunday when asked if he would use force to seize Greenland. He will likely end up negotiating a U.S. military protectorate over Greenland under the Danish flag. I'm almost finished signing up to take a Danish language course, I just have to dot the A's and cross the O's.

• The DOJ was reported Friday investigating Governor Tim Walz and Mayor Frey for inciting protestor lawlessness. For the record, ICE officials in Minneapolis want the angry protestors on the streets to know that ICE is NOT separating criminal illegal aliens from their families. We got them, too.

• Warren Buffet decided to shut down his Berkshire Hathaway and retire Friday with $165 billion at age 95. He may be the shrewdest American stock investor since JFK's father Joseph P. Kennedy. Having reached his 95th birthday, Warren is only investing in green bananas and a dozen eggs.

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