Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• President Trump urged Republican House candidates Tuesday to run for re-election this fall on the booming U.S. economy. That's true for me, I hate performing away from the Comedy Store for two weeks but I can't pass up a lucrative offer. I just picked up a gig in February as the interim Shah of Iran.

• President Trump urged the Iranian protestors to dislodge the Ayatollah's regime just ten days after his coup in Venezuela. He always has the naysayers. Back when Trump was in college, he was kicked off of the U Penn baseball team for overthrowing the cutoff man without congressional approval.

• Iran's Crown Prince urged Trump to intervene in Iran and change regimes. His dad the Shah was thrown out of power in 1978 for trying to Westernize Iran along American cultural lines. Today's young people will never understand how much Teheran mobs and the mullahs hated The Village People.

• New York Mayor Mamdani expressed anger Tuesday over ICE's detaining a New York City Council employee on Long Island. The new mayor could be in over his head. This week, 15,000 nurses went on strike in New York, prompting Mayor Mamdani to ask New Yorkers to just shoot each other in the leg.

• Minneapolis chanting protestors faced language problems Tuesday over ICE also being slang for methamphetamine. If an illegal hears that ICE is just outside the door it means panic. But if a Tweaker hears that ICE is just outside the door, it means drop everything, this is the best day of my life.

• The House Oversight Committee prepared contempt charges against Bill and Hillary Clinton Tuesday who are refusing to testify about their relationship with Jeffrey Epstein. Self incrimination could be a problem for them. Bill Clinton loved to hang around Epstein while Hillary just loved the rope.

• President Trump was cheered in Detroit for freeing carmakers to make gas or electric vehicles, which Ford executives had sought. Trump said he was proud he got rid of Joe Biden's EV Mandate. To Republican ears, EV Mandate sounds like the name of a transgender Lincoln that identifies as Victoria.

• Texas Congresswoman Jasmine Crockett slammed the re-districted Texas House map as racist and went even further calling the entire state of Texas racist. The state's court cases say otherwise. Racism was completely abolished in Texas in the 1974 case of Earl Campbell vs. the Oklahoma Sooners.

• The Supreme Court heard the case on a state's right to ban transgender biological men from women's sports Tuesday. Men and women are simply different. I saw an actuarial chart that shows the average man lives to be 78 and the average woman lives to be 87, so when I turn 78 I'm transitioning.

• Exxon's CEO balked at re-opening refineries in Venezuela Monday. The CEO is puzzled that Trump overthrew Maduro then allowed the VP take to over, keeping the confiscatory socialist regime in power. That's like arresting Jeffrey Epstein then giving his shift at Chuck E Cheese to Prince Andrew.

• Democratic Senator Chris Murphy blasted President Trump in a CNN interview Sunday. He said that President Trump has committed 10 times more impeachable offenses in his second term as president as Trump did in his first term as president. If you think that's bad just wait until his third term.

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