Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

SIGN UP FOR THE DAILY JWR UPDATE. IT'S FREE. (AND NO SPAM!) Just click here.

• NFL future Hall of Famer Philip Rivers returned after five years in retirement to serve emergency QB duty for the Indianapolis Colts in their last three games. He still has a very strong throwing arm. Last Sunday Rivers overthrew so many guys the State Department offered him the South American Desk.

• Minnesota Governor Tim Walz addressed reporters in Minneapolis and announced that he will not run for re-election. He's losing support due to the massive fraud scandal in his state. It turns out it was easier to find Maduro in Venezuela than it is to find a kid in a Somali day care center.

• Minnesota Governor Tim Walz incited furious street protests against the ICE shooting leading a charge of Northern Democrats who threatened a civil war in defense of slave labor and opposition to high tariffs. And they are the North. It's like they switched sides of the field with the South at halftime.

• President Trump last week ordered Delta Force to launch a raid into Venezuela's capital city to seize and abduct President Nicolas Maduro. The socialist dictator was flown to New York to stand trial in Manhattan. If he's co

• nvicted, Maduro could get 4-8 years as Mayor Mamdani's Drug Czar.

• The White House spelled out President Trump's corollary to the Monroe Doctrine nicknamed the Donroe Doctrine to shape and protect the hemisphere according to U.S. interests. It looks like we took over Venezuela just in time. We're going to need them to come in twice a week to clean Greenland.

• President Trump's 2-hour raid on Caracas was compared to Bush's 2003-2011 war in Iraq by Democrats. In sexist bar jargon, there's a big difference between Bush's military action in Iraq and Trump's military action in Venezuela. Bush got it pregnant and married it, while Trump hit it and quit it.

• The Pentagon is reported making plans to expand the president's actions in the Caribbean in which U.S. forces overthrew Venezuela for shipping cocaine into the U.S., issuing the same warning to Colombia to stop sending cocaine. Trump is sending a clear message to everyone in Hollywood. Stock up.

• Venezuela's President Nicolas Maduro was rudely awakened by Delta Force and abducted along with his wife and flown to New York to stand trial on federal charges of drug running. As a result of the raid, Venezuelans all over the world are dancing in the streets. Well, all but two of them.

• President Trump was quick to spell out that the U.S will be running Venezuela for a while. In just two hours, we took over 18% of the world's oil reserves and the residence of 7 winners of the Miss Universe Pageant. Venezuela is now officially the home of America's Strategic First Lady Reserve.

• President Trump stated that the U.S. was going to be running Venezuela for a while. The goal is to restore the U.S. oil business that the dictators had nationalized and to return the country to a free market economy. Rumor has it they started construction on Venezuela's first Dollar General today.

• Democrats reacted angrily to Trump's abduction of Nicolas Maduro and his announcement we'll be running the fabulously rich oil country for a while. That tells me the president's motivation is personal. Trump will never stop trying to prove why he should've been invited to Dick Cheney's funeral.

• The Delta Force raid overthrowing Nicolas Maduro halted the drug speed boats trying to run drugs from Venezuela to the U.S. We're still scanning the sea for any sign of drug boats. Just to be on the safe side, at Disneyworld the Pirates of the Caribbean all jumped into the water to avoid detection.

(COMMENT, BELOW)