Time for Show-Churned Froot Loops?

Every once in a while, someone comes up with a truly great new product: The Tesla. The Fit-Bit. The Pop-Tart.

But most of the time ... they don't. They come up with a tiny twist on an old product and expect us to give a whoop. That's hard, especially when you know their secret: They use (unless I'm mistaken) the Skenazy New-ish Product Generator.

You can, too. Just mix and match from columns A and B, or go hog-wild and string together A, B, B+ and C. (Or go super-hip and try C, B, A!) Fire-roasted Froot Loops and Flamin' Hot crumb cakes await!

Hurry, before corporate America beats you to them!

Column A

Antibiotic

Probiotic

Proud-independent-biotic

Shade-grown

Cold brew

Painfully crunchy

Whole-grain

Vegan-smoked

Slow-churned

Home-schooled

Lactose extremely intolerant

Garden-harvested

House-arrested

Fire-roasted

Fire-burnt-to-a-crisp

Yogurt-covered

Tension-busting

Grain-fed

Hormone-drenched

Cavity-fighting

Cucumber-melon

Soft-baked

Shape-shifting

Cauliflower-obsessed

Pepper-glazed

No-rinse

Dulce de leche

Super-chunky-to-the-point-of-being-almost-solid

Green tea

White tea

Greenish-whitish tea

Quintuple-cream

Lite

Never-even-MET-a-trans-fat

Cinnamon-honey

Greek

Flamin' hot

Flamin' hot Greek

Column B

Crumb cake

Coke

Coffee

Crest

Froot Loops

Tums

Diet Pepsi

Dryer sheets

Bacon strips

Softsoap

Aquafina

Haagen-Dazs

Oreos

SpaghettiO's

Cheerios

Butter substitute

Margarine substitute

Substitute substitute

Applesauce

Hot Pockets

Ranch dressing

Baby wipes

Pretzel bites

Turkey dogs

Protein bars

Fritos

Burritos

Doritos

Mojitos

Espresso beans

Instant matcha

Spanx

Spanx-For-Your-Ears

Tide

B + (OPTIONAL)

For men!

Column C (With ...)

A splash of juice

A hint o' mint

A gram o' ham

A drop o' slop

Lotsa matzah

Citrus-lavender-yoga-mat freshness

Pomegranate molasses

Teeth-whitening agents

Teeth-replacing agents (NEW!)

Insurance agents

Grapefruit extract

Ginseng swirls

Portobello flakes

Squid-ink stain packets

Breath-reviving micro-beads

Skin-softening moisture spores

Subatomic Parmesan particles

Quick-acting vodka

Marshmallows and spelt

Garlic 'n' ginkgo

Yet more honey and cinnamon

87% pure cacao

Ketamine krunchies

Pepper puffs

Panko panties

Extra, nigh-on explosive, fiber

Three Greek brothers and their sheep

Or (when all else fails): Lime