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• Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin's mysterious hospitalization before Christmas without notifying the White House was finally explained Tuesday. General Austin underwent successful prostate cancer surgery. Not only did they take out the cancer, they found and removed two Chinese spy balloons.
• The NCAA Convention held in San Antonio this week is picketed by protestors demanding that biological men identifying as women be banned from women's sports. It's bewildering. My birth gender identifies me as a male, while according to Stouffer's Macaroni and Cheese, I'm a family of four.
• The New York Times printed an opinion piece Monday which hypothesized that because Taylor Swift uses so many splashy rainbow images in her concerts that she is trying to signal that she's lesbian. It could be the weirdest theory the Times has ever printed. She's dating the NFL to practice for the WNBA.
• The Golden Globes were held at the Beverly Hilton in Beverly Hills Sunday on CBS. During the week older actresses complained of ageism because starring movie roles always go to young actresses. It's probably no accident in Hollywood that the Golden Globes are always followed by the SAG Awards.
• The Weather Channel reported the winter's first cold front moved across the Midwest this week spreading snowstorms all the way into New England. Flights were canceled and highways were iced over paralyzing normal business. Chicago was buried by a blizzard today, delaying hundreds of murders.
• Boeing executives scrambled this week to contain the public relations damage from one of its planes' latest fuselage mishap. Yesterday I went to visit an executive at Boeing and knocked on his office door, and it took us fifteen minutes to pick the door up off the floor and fit it back onto its hinges.
• Daily Variety reports that the major Hollywood movie studios from Disney to Warner Brothers suffered disastrous losses last year. It's part of a shrewd strategy. It appears Hollywood movie studios have decided to combat online piracy by making movies so bad, nobody wants to see them, even for free.
• Trump's U.S. trial judge in Washington asked about the wisdom of prosecuting an ex-president for actions in office. Everything a chief executive does would be legal. If Bill Clinton had used this argument to set a precedent for office sex, Harvey Weinstein might still be a pitcher instead of a catcher.
• The New York Post recorded two DC court reporters fantasizing out loud about assassinating Trump like JFK. I salute how hard the Secret Service works to protect Trump and Biden. Trump haters are filled with rage and Biden is the only president in history who could be assassinated by his own diarrhea.
• President Biden launched his 2024 re-election campaign with a speech at Valley Forge Friday and painted a dark scenario. His central theme came through loud and shrill. Joe Biden ordered the arrest of anyone ever born on January 6th and registered to vote everyone who ever died on January 6th
• President Biden addressed a black church in Charleston Monday where he was angrily heckled by pro-Palestinian protestors. They were eventually evicted by the Secret Service. The protests erupted in the back of the sanctuary when Biden vowed to eliminate Hamas and replace it with hot barbecue sauce.
• Senator James Lankford expressed optimism Tuesday a migration deal is near in the Senate. It only works if the Democrats keep the migrants and the Republicans agree to migrate. It'll be a schlep for the Republicans to haul half the nation's nuclear arsenal to the Bahamas with them but it's do-able.
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