Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

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• A New Year's poll on personal happiness found 72% of Americans say the happiest day of their life was their wedding day. Hold the phone. Anybody who says their wedding day was the happiest day of their life has quite obviously never had 2 Snickers come down at once from the vending machine.

• The Comedy Store has me performing New Year's Eve in the wealthy and exclusive old enclave of La Jolla. It's the state capital of wealthy old Protestant liberals. I was in downtown La Jolla this morning and you've never seen so many white people in your life wishing each other a happy Kwanzaa.

• The New York Post published advice Thursday on New Year's resolutions, noting that millions of people make them but breaking habits and keeping those resolutions is difficult. My one strong point was always my self discipline. I'm giving up procrastination for my New Year's resolution for 2025.

• UPS blamed heavy volume, airport delays and worker shortages for late deliveries that plagued UPS and customers alike last week causing late holiday gift deliveries. It could be worse. The only thing worse than UPS bringing your Christmas gifts late to your doorstep is finding out they contain fruitcake.

• The Austrian Press Agency announced the passing of Gaston Glock, the venerable inventor of the Glock handgun that's used by police, criminals and armed forces worldwide. The handgun maker died at age 94 Wednesday. California Governor Gavin Newsom is considering making it a state holiday.

• President Biden is vacationing in the Virgin Islands and playing golf at the Buccaneer Country Club in St. Croix. He's still able to spring into action in case of emergency. Biden was alerted the U.S. Navy was under attack in the Red Sea, and he asked the next three groups if he could play through.

• Israel's Defense Minister warned Friday that the time for a negotiated settlement with Hamas was running out. The military commander of Hamas is known as The Shadow and this guy is missing both legs, an arm and an eye, and raises as important question. Is this a war or a Monty Python movie?

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