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December 16th, 2025

Insight

Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

Argus Hamilton

By Argus Hamilton

Published Jan. 18, 2023

Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report
The Los Angeles Police asked for help from citizens in fighting the crime wave Friday, saying it is important that if we see something to report it immediately. Yesterday I saw a guy sitting at a table at Starbucks with no phone, no tablet, and no laptop. He was just sipping a cup of coffee, like a psychopath.

President Biden took on the NRA Monday at an MLK Holiday breakfast at the White House. Joe shouted that gun rights advocates can't take on the U.S. government with assault rifles, he said they are going to need fighter jets and nuclear weapons. Then, I swear, he praised Dr. King as a man of peace.

The Justice Department said Monday five more secret documents were found at Biden's home in Delaware. Hunter also lived in the house and might have hosted business partners there. The FBI dusted the documents for fingerprints and only found Joe's and an awful lot of marks made by chopsticks.

President Biden's classified documents-in-his-garage scandal shined light on his 1967 Corvette that Baby Boomers remember. It was the fastest production car ever made in the U.S. with a 580 horse power engine. This Corvette doesn't even take a standard grade of gasoline, it runs on ground up Priuses.

UK's Royal Yachting Association set new diversity rules to recruit more minorities to the sport of sailing due to pressure from critics that the sport is too white. Crews are now required to be racially diverse. Excuse me but isn't forcing black people onto boats how we got into this mess in the first place?

Prince Harry's book came out Friday and said as a soldier he once called in a pretend air strike on Prince Charles's motorcade when the prince visited Afghanistan. I asked the book store clerk if Harry's memoir was downloadable. She asked if I wanted the PDF file, and I said no, that's his Uncle.

NBC is streaming Bonanza reruns preceded by a printed warning about outdated stereotypes. Are you kidding me? Four guys and no women in the same woodsy cabin who don't look a thing like each other and claiming they're brothers and dad, I can't believe Bonanza never won a Tony for Best Musical.

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Fox News cited an intelligence report Thursday saying UFO sightings have surged in the last two years in the U.S. CNN, NBC and ABC reported there were four hundred sightings of UFOs in the U.S. last week. The White House claims the UFOs dropped off classified documents in a Delaware garage.

Donald Trump supporters hit the roof Friday over the different way the government was handling Biden's possession of classified documents versus the way the FBI had stormed into Trump's home. I just know my kitchen is now safe from any FBI raids. My gas stove just self-identified as trans electric.

President Biden told reporters Thursday that classified documents are safe in his garage because that's where he stores his Corvette. It's America's official car of the male mid-life crisis. The hardest thing about driving a Corvette is trying to keep your gold chain from getting caught in your chest hair.

President Biden told reporters he didn't know that classified documents from his vice presidential years were stored in his D.C. policy office for six years and acted angry that anyone would think he'd knowingly break the law. Republicans say Joe is just playing dumb, but they're wrong. He's not playing.

Attorney General Merrick Garland named a Special Counsel to probe Biden having U.S. classified documents in his garage. Joe insisted our nation's classified secrets are safe, locked in his garage next to his Corvette. The CIA must be terrified that China could get their hands on a garage door opener.

Prince Harry plugged his book and complained about his treatment from the Royal Family in TV interviews all week. He's made an impression. Harry is now fielding TV offers to endorse adult baby diapers, Meow Mix, No More Tears Shampoo, Summer's Eve douche and coach of the Dallas Cowboys.

The Weather Channel reported that the rainstorms in California have left the reservoirs full and the mountains with huge snow packs. The climate alarmists refuse to admit any good news at all. CBS News in Los Angeles reported one hundred and seventeen Californians died in last week's drought.

The Hollywood Reporter reported that the Golden Globes Awards drew outrage in the comments section from viewers disgusted by the vulgarity and political posturing. One rap star strutted onto the red carpet wearing jewelry to show off how rich he is. He was wearing a dozen eggs around his neck.

National Geographic reported that two massive Great White Sharks were seen patrolling Georgia and South Carolina waters Friday. In addition to being dangerous, some on the left claim its name is racist. In an effort not to offend anyone, the Great White Shark will now be known as the Water Cracker.

The White House reported Friday that President Biden will deliver his State of the Union speech to a joint session of Congress in the House Chamber on February 7th. That's a little early on the calendar. The State of the Union speech was moved up a few weeks to make sure it was delivered by him.

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