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Jewish World Review /Jan. 8, 1999 /19 Teves, 5759
MUGGER
Drudge Is the Hero
ON THURSDAY MORNING I hosted a panel at 8 a.m. (unlike alternative
newspaper conventions, the room was packed at this early hour) that was
ostensibly about letters to the editor. Laura Ingraham, cohost of the
event, introduced the seminar and brought down the house with a brief
joke: "It’s 10 a.m. in Hilton Head right now, and in between spiritual
meetings and rounds of golf, President Clinton has promised there will
be no bombings today. Pharmaceutical plants in the Third World are
safe."
The Wall Street Journal’s John Fund, Bill Kristol, the Chicago
Tribune’s Jim Warren and Phillips Publishing’s (parent of Regnery Books)
Tom Phillips were my co-panelists and they all exceeded the five-minute
limit on remarks, which kind of pissed me off because I had plenty of
jokes, too. Phillips said, "What was bad for the country this year was
terrific for Eagle Publishing. We had seven bestsellers. In fact, we’re
now shrink-wrapping a Bill Clinton sixpack to sell."
Before the q&a session, I reminded the audience that Larry Flynt was in
league with the White House, that Maxine Waters should go live in a
country where there are real coups and stay there, and that Trent Lott,
given a shove by the eloquent Lindsey Graham, might still do the right
thing and make sure the impeachment trial in the Senate lasts more than
two weeks. Preaching to the converted, of course, but it’s not like I
could get away with this commentary on the Upper West Side.
As an anti-Clinton soldier, Drudge spoke of the irony of operating out
of his one-bedroom Hollywood apartment. "I close my blinds so that the
neighbors can’t see I’m watching C-SPAN," he joked. He played to the
audience by lampooning his celebrity neighbors: "Yeah, I love the
limousine liberals who drive up to a mansion, go through gate after gate
and tell the driver to keep the car warm while they go inside for an
environmental fundraiser."
Drudge was a little flummoxed by a questioner who asked about
accountability in the media—how could he know what he put on the Web was
accurate? Drudge dodged that and asked, "Why don’t you ask CNN the same
question?" Asked if he had a counterpart on the left, Drudge said no,
"But there is an organization: It’s called The Washington Post." He
promised an earthshaking scoop in the next few days, which turned out to
be the love child, but wouldn’t give many hints. Henry Hyde was the
originally scheduled keynote speaker: "But while Hyde, with whom I’m
glad to be walking on the same Earth," Drudge said, "is working in
Washington on the Senate trial, Bill Clinton is playing golf. Gives you
an idea of who cares about the law in this country."
After a late afternoon lunch with Jim and Molly Larkin at Los Dos
Molinos, a consistent Phoenix New Times "Best Of" winner for burros and
cheese crisps, I returned to the Biltmore for some reading and a snooze.
The Weekend conventioneers were out for various activities: some went on
a mountain hike, others went to a shooting range, others, I imagine,
repaired to a midday church service or AA meeting. This is a strange
bunch, but I feel comfortable in most settings, whether it’s among
Bible-thumpers, bankers, race track bums, barflies or jocks watching a
football game on a wide-screen TV.
I draw the line at smelly hippies,
young or old, whose idea of hygiene is a gargle of herbal tea in the
morning, but basically I’m pretty tolerant. So when I set up shop at the
Biltmore’s bar on New Year’s Eve, drinking espresso and club soda while
poring through The Nation, it didn’t bother me one iota that silly folks
drinking blue cocktails and wearing rented tuxes surrounded me, or that
the hotel’s decorations, mixed up with Christmas lights and balloons
waiting to fall at midnight, weren’t exactly my idea of smart taste. My
friend Michael Formica, an impeccable designer in the Village, would
retch at the scene, but that’s his line of biz, not mine.
However, giving the Jan. 11 Nation a close read, which seemed a
benevolent act of protest at The Weekend, I was struck by how long I
could actually stay with the magazine. First, there was Arthur Miller,
the literary equivalent of Arthur Schlesinger Jr., weighing in on the
impeachment "crisis." Miller wrote Death of a Salesman and The Crucible
and was married to Marilyn Monroe, so his life hasn’t been a waste, but
this gent ought to rest on his laurels and not get mixed up in politics
and look like a silly old fool reliving his glory days of the 50s.
Miller once wrote with distinction; now he’s reduced to parroting the
lines of forgettable journalists like The Boston Globe’s Thomas Oliphant
and David Nyhan, complaining that "Our Bloodless Coup" is all about sex.
You’d think that Miller, who was well acquainted with real McCarthyism,
would know better. Instead, he writes: "After all, can there be not one
among the half-thousand members of both houses who has never lied about
sex? Can we expect a confession from that one fellow, or lady perhaps,
before he or she votes to destroy Bill Clinton forever? Don’t hold your
breath."
Why Clinton commands Arthur Miller’s fealty is beyond me. I assume he’s
in the throes of old age and prone to silliness: It’s a shame he doesn’t
have the dignity of Joe DiMaggio and just keep silent.
Another old nag in the Nation stable, no doubt considered "a national
treasure" by its readers, is Calvin Trillin. I was never a fan of the
self-consciously folksy Trillin, although he sure makes Kansas City
barbecue sound tasty, but he’s reached the stage where he’s the Jules
Feiffer of humor writers, a literary fixture who just makes you think,
"Please retire, now!" Trillin’s contribution to The Nation in this issue
is stupid beyond belief: "In every century, it seems,/The Constitution’s
put to test/Important questions must be asked/And ours is, ‘Did he touch
her breast?’"
The conclusion of his column, called "The Thief of Baghdad," is a
stunner: "So, is it thinkable that American liberals, in defending what
they regard as Clinton’s own precious sexual freedom, have eagerly
acquiesced in the random killing of civilians in unpopular countries?
Well, they are the same morally null individuals who bleated that Judge
Starr was a pornographer and who now flourish the bribed disclosures of
Larry Flynt. It turns out that Clinton does possess the strength of
character to be a war criminal, but preferably when it’s all about
himself."
I freely admit that I’m of the William Safire school on Iraq. Why not
occupy Baghdad, knock off Saddam Hussein and get it over with before
casualties quadruple in a protracted land war? All this dicking around
with random bombing for political purposes is criminal. Like it or not,
mine is a consistent position: It’s when liberals like Chuck Schumer,
Robert Torricelli and Conyers, who vilified George Bush on Desert Storm,
but weeks ago rallied around their morally bankrupt leader, are exposed
that a writer like Hitchens is so valuable. Especially in The Nation.
And give my sweet gal Katha brownie points for honesty. Even though she
calls Trent Lott a "newly outed white supremacist" because he spoke
before a racist group, while excusing Clinton’s denunciation of Sister
Souljah to distance himself from Jesse Jackson, a complete
contradiction, she’s clear about the current constitutional "crisis."
"I’ve opposed this whole impeachment business for one reason: I don’t
want the Christian crazies, antichoicers, gun lovers and racists—let
alone Sam and Cokie—to have the satisfaction. I’d rather see them
endlessly hoist with their own hypocritical petard by Larry Flynt, hero
of the hour, whose million-dollar reward for Republican sexual scandal
has already rid the stage of the maritally challenged Livingston."
War? Against what? It’s not as if a kook like Bob Barr is running for
president. Alterman has chosen the side of Bill Clinton, Carville,
Sidney Blumenthal, David Kendall, Janet Reno, Terry Lenzner, Larry
Flynt, John Conyers, Maxine Waters, Jerrold Nadler and Dick Gephardt. My
team? George W. Bush, John Engler, George Pataki, Bob Kerrey, Michael
Kelly, Steve Forbes, Alex Cockburn and Robert Bartley.
Which side are you
And Warren, as is
his trademark for his ubiquitous TV appearances, made a wry joke before
going into a semiliberal spiel: "I’ll try to make this mercifully short
after those thinly veiled commercials for Regnery Books and The Weekly
Standard. I find letters to the editors boring; I don’t read them or the
editorials, so I’ll go on to another topic." As usual, he was pretty
funny, although he did get a little flinty when I reminded him that he
once claimed he would never appear on tv on the talking head shows. "I
never said that," he protested. "Sorry," I laughed, "I was mixing you up
with Eric Alterman." Warren didn’t think that was funny either, but we
shook hands anyway.
Kristol
Matt Drudge was the keynote speaker at lunch on Thursday and of course
was a complete hit, with applause lines (real ones) coming more
frequently than at Clinton’s State of the Union address last year. He’s
the man of the moment, especially in this crowd, and is justifiably
milking it for all it’s worth. As the assembled ate awful-looking
food—iceberg salads, iced tea and pasta—Drudge fed them a healthier diet
of one-liners. He said, "I see the new Gallup poll, the year-ender,
about Bill Clinton being the most admired man in America. Up from last
year—18 percent, as a matter of fact, three times more popular than the
Pope. Hillary is third—that’s some sandwich." Drudge chuckled and waited
for the audience’s laughter to die down. He spoke of his tangles with
Sidney Blumenthal, made hilarious cracks about the hypocritical Howard
Kurtz of The Washington Post—"He says the Internet is all about gossip:
Then why is he always trolling AOL to find some of his own?"
Drudge
Later, around 10:30, I stopped in at the New Year’s Eve party at the
Squaw Peak Terrace and had a chuckle watching these hardcore
conservatives, some dressed in costume, including Drudge-like fedoras,
dancing to "YMCA" and—you had to be there—a version of "The Macarena."
Personally, I think it would’ve been pretty cool if Soul Coughing landed
this gig—the junketeers wouldn’t have known the difference and the irony
factor would be all the more sweet—but I was underdressed in a torn
leather jacket and hightop Converses, so I split after about 15 minutes.
After all, I still hadn’t eaten dinner.
Schlessinger
Turn the page and Christopher Hitchens offers some relief. He recounts
a story about Henry Kissinger at a cocktail party telling a Nation
colleague of his that Bill Clinton "does not possess the strength of
character to be a war criminal." Hitchens carves up Nation readers and
liberals alike, unmasking their hypocrisy of protesting Clinton’s
impeachment while applauding his "demonstration bombing" of Iraq. How
wonderful to read in The Nation a columnist calling Liz Holtzman a
"woman of obvious low mentality," who possesses an "untidy mind" and
exposing the fraudulent John Conyers of Michigan as "Nixonian."
Kissinger
It’s still the holiday season, so even I have a kind word or two for
Katha Pollitt. Although she’s firmly in the camp that believes Clinton
is being persecuted because of sex and only sex (I guess hush money and
selling military technology to the Chinese government for campaign cash
aren’t crimes), she did come up with a great line: "As usual,
warmongering is proving to be pure political Viagra. Clinton’s ratings,
already stratospheric, now rival Christ’s and Santa’s."
Schumer
One more bit of The Nation before I let you go. And, as they might say
at that magazine’s offices, it’s a downer: Yes, Eric Alterman. I’ll be
brief. Besides making an egregious error in his column, saying the
Republicans have a "lame-duck majority," when in fact their control was
merely reduced by the last election, Alterman whips up his readers by
making bogeymen out of Tom DeLay, Bill Kristol and Robert Bork (all
American heroes in my book). But Alterman, perhaps with a nudge from
James Carville, veers toward hysteria at the end of his piece, writing,
"Whatever one thinks of Bill Clinton, his opponents must be thwarted.
They are the enemies of democracy and of the Constitution that insures
its possibility. We long ago lost the luxury of choosing our allies.
This is war."
Cokie
JWR contributor "Mugger" is the editor-in-chief and publisher of New York Press. Send your comments to him by clicking here.
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