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Jewish World Review /Jan. 6, 1999 /17 Teves, 5759
MUGGER
MUGGER & the Martians
SORRY TO DUMP ON MAUREEN DOWD AGAIN, but she invites the criticism. I’m
thinking specifically of her ludicrous Times column on Dec. 27. She
begins: "When it comes to New Year’s Eve, I am firmly in the camp of
pink champagne and black cha-cha heels."
I’ll bet. I’m sure she watched
some old Michael Douglas movie and ate Devil Dogs and Doritos while
curled up on the coach in comfy jammies and slippers. Dowd continues: "I
can’t fathom the phenomenon of trekking off to resorts to attend a lot
of earnest panels and hang out with all the same people we are sick of
seeing on MSNBC."
She was referring to Clinton’s Renaissance Weekend in
Hilton Head and the conservative counterpart The Weekend, which I
attended at the Biltmore in Phoenix. Dowd is bipartisan in her digs, but
is nastier to the GOP: "But now Republicans call it ‘The Weekend,’ the
event formerly known as ‘Dark Ages,’ to disguise the uncomfortable fact
that Republicans have, in fact, brought about the Dark Ages."
I’d been in Phoenix for less than a day but already I was content: My
suite was large, a heated pool was right outside the terrace, the room
service was quick and I had the best red burro of my life at a Mexican
dive called Rito’s in Garfield, a rough and tumble Hispanic crack
neighborhood, with my Phoenician friend Jim Larkin, at lunch. Hardball
was on in the background while I wrote, my e-mail box was overflowing
since MUGGER’s online version at Jewish World Review
(jewishworldreview.com) was linked on The Drudge Report and Salon took a
week off. Aside from seeing the fruity Michael Kinsley on Crossfire, and
missing my wife and boys, it was pretty damn relaxing.
Last Wednesday’s news of the day was that John McCain is ready to run
for president. Like all longshots, the idiots in the adoring Boomer
Beltway media say it might not take as much money for such an attractive
candidate (translated: He was a POW so they could protest against the
war, smoke pot and get laid a lot) because his message is so compelling.
Come again? He’s for campaign finance reform but raises cash from PACs
for his own races. He’s in favor of a huge tax in the form of a tobacco
bill. That might play with The Washington Post’s Richard Cohen, but not
with GOP primary voters.
I was distressed to read a New York Post editorial on Jan. 1 extolling
McCain’s candidacy. While the paper disagrees with the "maverick"
Senator on some issues they feel he’s a man of integrity. John Podhoretz
should talk to people in Arizona. The Post’s editorial said: "McCain is
a legitimate American hero who inspires wholehearted respect and
admiration from friend and foe alike... A presidential candidate who can
serve as a genuine role model for America’s youth." As a Korean War
veteran in Arizona once famously said about McCain: "He wasn’t a hero;
he just got caught."
I don’t minimize his
horrific POW torture in Vietnam, but his bad luck there doesn’t make him
a hero. And as a role model for America’s youth, the Post will find out
in months to come that McCain, an adulterer who was mixed up in the
Charles Keating scam, isn’t all that clean. As he told the Times’
Katharine Seelye, who covered The Weekend in the same biased, snotty
manner she did the Dole campaign in ’96, "I’ve had a colorful past." He
might compete, perhaps outlast Lamar Alexander, Dan Quayle and John
Ashcroft, but no one is stopping the George W. Bush express in 2000. I
don’t know why McCain doesn’t just admit he’s seeking the secretary of
defense post in a Bush administration. Now, with his temper, that might
be dangerous, but George W. will have to cut some deals on the way to
the nomination.
Then again, I was speaking with a friend at a cocktail party at the
Biltmore who spun another McCain theory. It goes like this: McCain
builds up momentum slowly, hopes Bush stumbles in the summer, is the
beneficiary of media boredom with Bush and Steve Forbes around Labor Day
and then rides a Colin Powell-like wave in the fall to become Bush’s
main challenger. He makes foreign policy the key issue, maybe skips
Iowa, scores an upset in New Hampshire and then coasts to California.
But as another journalist told me, "If I do my job right, McCain has a
half-life of six months." Cheers to that. Jeez, in the Arizona Republic
on Thursday the news of McCain’s exploratory committee barely made the
front page. There was nothing on the op-ed page, save the four-day-old
Dowd column I mentioned above and a George Will essay that was also
growing a beard.
Maybe I’m getting old, but David Broder doesn’t seem nearly the
wishy-washy pundit he did just a year ago. Actually, it’s just because
he’s so anti-Clinton that I’ve come around to actually finishing his
columns in The Washington Post. Like the one on Dec. 30, which was his
annual, and corny, message to readers about all the times he screwed up
in the past 12 months.
A profile in media courage. While dimwits like Clarence Page and
Lars-Erik Nelson, not to mention about 90 newspapers, have recanted
their calls for resignation, Broder stands tall. He may have excessive
reverence for the institution of the presidency and all that baloney,
but I respect him enormously for bucking the trend among his sorry colleagues.
I STOPPED IN BRIEFLY at the opening shindig for The Weekend and, shy guy
that I am, didn’t meet many people. One disconcerting note at
registration was that the nametags had everyone’s first name in large
type (so West Coast) and their surname practically in agate. I did
inject myself into a conversation with two arch-conservatives
Good for his district. He wasn’t too impressive—it was
mostly a chamber-of-commerce kind of greeting—but he did make the
important point that the Democrats’ talk of a coup during the
impeachment proceedings was a bunch of hogwash.
Bill Kristol, editor of The Weekly Standard, was brief in his remarks
but typically witty. "What kind of year was it?" he asked the crowd.
"Well, the stock market is up and Bill Clinton was impeached." That line
got the biggest roar of the night, including some whoops from a few
fellows who were guzzling rum & Cokes.
I spoke to Kristol a few minutes
later and commiserated that Trent Lott was backing down again, just as
it appeared he was growing a backbone, by talking compromise in the
Senate trial. If all these goo-goos like Jimmy Carter and Jerry Ford can
stay out of the fray, let the holidays recede and the GOP senators just
stay quiet and stay off television, then every day a compromise for
censure isn’t reached, the worse it is for Bill Clinton.
If the trial
lasts two weeks, he’s off with a slap on the butt. If it goes longer,
witnesses are called, and it keeps going until March, say hello to
President Al Gore. Again, I just don’t understand why Democrats, who
don’t like Clinton, aren’t dragging him out of the Oval Office in favor
of an incumbent who’ll have a head start on the 2000 presidential
election. I’m not behind the scenes at the White House, thank God, but
maybe that’s the strategy: If a censure isn’t immediately forthcoming,
on Jan. 23, when Gore becomes eligible to finish Clinton’s term and run
for two on his own, this plan goes into effect. With a full pardon for
both Clintons, of course.
Now, if Matt Drudge is correct, and he usually is, about the Star’s
upcoming report on Clinton’s purported love child, born to an underage
black Arkansas prostitute 13 years ago, the political landscape will
shift once again. Allegedly, the Starr report has photos showing the teenager to
be the spitting image of Clinton, and he wants to meet his deadbeat dad.
No wonder Clinton’s the first black president. The DNA testing is being
done, the boy and his family are sequestered and aides at the White
House are dirtying their drawers. Shucks, I’m sure Chelsea always wanted
a little brother. And just imagine what Hillary will do after this
bombshell breaks. If I were the President, I’d wear an iron jockstrap to
Now, I ask you, is such absurd hyperbole a way to bring in the new
year? If these are the Dark Ages, I can’t wait until civilization kicks
in. After all, why do you think Clinton still gets high approval
ratings? It’s because people are working, their pockets are stuffed with
money, the only war (for Americans) is played out like a PlayStation
game and Mark McGwire hit 70 round-trippers.
Dowd
McCain might be immune from Sidney Blumenthal since Clinton feels
guilty around the Senator, but the guy’s personal baggage is plenty.
Girls, girls, girls and a lot of questionable land dealings too. And he
tells mean jokes about teenagers who used to live in the White House.
McCain’s a scumbag who has nothing else to do.
McCain
I bet Broder even goes to church. Most of his
mail came from people who said he was too hard on Clinton. Broder, to
his credit, was earnest but steadfast in holding his ground, writing: "I
have said—to the intense irritation of many of you—that resignation
would be a true act of contrition by a president who admits he has
‘misled’ his colleagues in government and the American people. It would
be a voluntary act, prompted only by his conscience and his respect for
his oath of office. And it would permit a man who shares Clinton’s
entire agenda, but is unimpaired by his character deficits, to assume
the presidency—as the voters have ordained."
Broder
Before the Gloom Set In
eviscerating Democratic Rep. Zoe Lofgren from California for her
imbecilic hypocrisy during the House Judiciary Committee proceedings.
David Horowitz, one of the event’s organizers, opened the proceedings and gave a short
speech, clutching a bottle of water like Bob Dole did with his pen on
the campaign stump. Arizona’s Rep. John Shadegg then gave a homey talk,
recalling Barry Goldwater, mentioning that Dan Quayle lives near the
Biltmore and encouraging conventioneers to shop, shop, shop in the
nearby stores.
Horowitz
JWR contributor "Mugger" is the editor-in-chief and publisher of New York Press. Send your comments to him by clicking here.
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