Jewish World Review March 22, 1999 /5 Nissan, 5759
Fatherhood hype
By Dr. Wade F. Horn
Q: I do not appreciate those radio commercials sponsored by the National Fatherhood
Initiative that suggest a child needs a father. They only give children without a father
an excuse to do wrong. I am an 18-year-old girl and I am at the top of my graduating
senior class. I do not drink, do drugs, or have sex. I am an athlete, and compete in
cross country and track. I am active in my church. And I have lived without a father
for most of my life.
My father was an alcoholic, and my parents divorced when I was in the first
grade. After the divorce, I did not hear from my father very often. My brother and I
were raised by our mother, with no help from our father. Yet both of us are bright,
well-behaved young people.
Divorce and living without a father does not increase the chances of bad things
happening in a young person's life unless that person is lead to believe that they cannot
lead a normal life because of their circumstances. The events in my life only made me
stronger. I would not wish for a different life. I wish people would stop saying that
kids need a father to grow up to be a well-adjusted adult.
A: Thank you for taking the time to write such a thoughtful letter. The fact that you did,
is evidence that you are what you say you are: A well-adjusted, bright, and motivated young
lady.
Your letter also gives me an opportunity to clarify my message about the importance
of fathers to the well-being of their children.
The research is very clear that children who grow up without a father are at greater
risk for a host of negative outcomes, including school failure, drug and alcohol problems,
juvenile delinquency, and teen pregnancy. But saying that kids without dads are at greater
risk for poor outcomes is different from saying that kids without dads are destined to fail.
In fact, many children growing up without dads do just fine, as your letter attests.
But just because you turned out fine, doesn't deny the reality that on average children
without dads are more likely to develop problems.
Allow me to explain by way of an analogy. Suppose you were going to the airport
one day, and when you arrived at the ticket counter the agent said, "You're in luck. We
have two planes going to your destination that will leave at exactly the same time. The cost
of the ticket for each plane is exactly the same, and each plane will arrive at your
destination
at exactly the same time. You even have exactly the same seat assignment on each plane.
Which plane would you like to get on?"
Well, you might say, it doesn't sound like there's much of a difference between the
two planes. Is there anything else I need to know before deciding?
"Just," says the agent, "one little thing. The first plane will get you to your
destination 99 out of 100 times without crashing, whereas the second plane will get you there
without crashing 90 out of 100 times. Which plane do you want to get on?"
Very quickly, each of us would make the mental calculation that the first plane is a
lot safer than the second. Yet, if you think about it, the second plane will still get you
to
your destination safely 90 out of 100 times. It's just that there is a non-trivial increase
in
risk of crashing in the second plane, which each of us would eagerly avoid if we could.
That's the way it is with absent fathers. Many kids without dads do fine. But there
is a non-trivial increase in risk for poor outcomes associated with growing up without a
father. Shouldn't we try to help reduce that risk for as many children as possible?
Carrying the airplane analogy further, what should the air traffic controllers say once
the planes are airborne? Should they say, "Well the second plane has more of a chance of
crashing, so we're going to concentrate on the first plane because it's safer." Of course
not.
What the air traffic controllers should say is, "Because the second plane has a greater risk
of
a bad outcome, we are going to take extra special care with it, to make sure it gets to its
destination safely."
And that is the way we should treat children growing up in fatherless households.
Rather than saying, "Those fatherless kids are at greater risk of poor outcomes, so let's
concentrate our efforts on helping the kids in the two-parent households," we should be
saying, "Because kids in fatherless households are at greater risk of poor outcomes, we
should take extra special care to support and encourage them so that they too will reach
their
destination -- adulthood -- happy, healthy, and well-adjusted."
So the point of those radio commercials, and this column, is not to give kids excuses
to do drugs or otherwise misbehave. Nor is the point to encourage the withdrawal of support
for children living in father absent households. To the contrary. Those are the kids that
need our encouragement and support the most.
Rather, the point is this: Just as we would encourage my imaginary airline to build
more planes with a lower risk of crashing, we should take steps as a society to ensure that
more kids grow up in the kind of household that has the lowest risk of poor outcomes. That
type of household is, of course, the kind with two parents, who are married to each other.
So I applaud your determination to excel at school, be sexually abstinent until
marriage, and grow up as a person of faith. The fact that you grew up without a responsible
father in your life only makes these accomplishments even more praiseworthy.
But my point remains the same. Even though many fatherless children do just fine,
wouldn't it be better if every child in America grew up with the love and devotion of both a
mom and a dad? Wouldn't it be better if every child in America were boarded onto that first
JWR contributor Dr. Wade F. Horn is President of the
National Fatherhood Initiative and
co-author of The
Better Homes and Gardens New Father Book. Send your question about dads,
children or
fatherhood to him C/O JWR
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