Jewish World Review Dec. 21, 2001 / 6 Teves, 5762

Greg Crosby

Greg Crosby
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Consumer Reports

A Letter to Santa -- Dear Santa,

Instead of sending you a list of presents that I'd like to get, this year I enclose a list of things I'd like you to give to others. In some cases these are things that certain people truly want. In other cases, I am asking for things that people may not particularly want, but are, nevertheless, things that they certainly need or deserve. Thank you Santa, for your attention to this matter. My wish list is as follows:

1. John "Jihad" Walker: Enough rope

2. Winona Ryder: An open-ended gift certificate to Saks Fifth Avenue and a stocking filled with security sensors.

3. Osama bin Laden: An intimate evening with U.S. Special Forces.

4. Geraldo Rivera: A crash course in journalistic ethics or a swift return to CNBC.

5. Dan Rather: A new barber.

6. David Letterman: New hair.

7. Bill and Hillary Clinton: Two one-way tickets to Little Rock ... on a bus ... a bus with a flat tire and lousy shock absorbers.

8. Joan Collins: A man her own age.

9. Tom Cruise: A woman his own height.

10. John Ashcroft: A few kind words.

11. Rush Limbaugh: A cure.

12. Mullah Mohammed Omar: A disease.

13. Michael Eisner: Some creative ideas... and a couple of hits without the help of Pixar.

14. Gary Condit: A new profession.

15. Mary Frances Berry: A reality check.

16. Peter Kirsanow: A vote and seat on the U.S. Civil Rights commission.

17. The families of the victims of the 9-11 attacks: Justice and peace of mind.

18. Our military forces overseas: Good hunting.

19. George W. Bush: Good health, good judgment, and continued resolve.

JWR contributor Greg Crosby, former creative head for Walt Disney publications, has written thousands of comics, hundreds of children's books, dozens of essays, and a letter to his congressman. You may contact him by clicking here.

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© 2001 Greg Crosby