Days of Our Lives

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"Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives."

Not exactly the most uplifting of opening lines for a TV soap opera. Even as a kid that line depressed me so much that I found it difficult to attend school classes. Actually I found it difficult to attend school classes in any case, so in fairness I guess the show's motto had little to do with that. But I digress (as I so often do, and usually all over myself).

The show, "Days of Our Lives" has practically nothing to do with the title of this week's column except for using the same four words. Why I went off on the tangent of "sands through the hourglass" is a subject for another column and possibly a psychoanalyst, but this is certainly not the place nor the time to get into it, so I wish you'd drop the whole matter and let me get on with this column, thank you very much.

Many people take the names of the days of the week for granted. They assume that Monday is Monday because that's what is printed on the calendar, or that's what their computer tells them, or that's what they assume because yesterday was Sunday. But why do they assume that yesterday was Sunday? Just because they didn't go to work? Lots of people actually DO work on Sundays, so you see, you can't depend on that. But I digress. Again.

The point of this whole thing, and yes Virginia there is a point, is to investigate why we call the seven days of the week by the names we have come to use, i.e. Sun, Mon, Tues, Wednes, Thurs, Fri, And Satur. Someone a very long time ago decided on those names and I should very much like to know why. And I should like to know why we all keep going along with it. Who the heck made those day-of-the-week namers our bosses? Why must we adhere to names from centuries ago?

Oh dear, I think I've digressed yet again. If you believe that the origin of the names of the week are of Teutonic or Roman deity derivation you may go to the head of the class, but that still doesn't explain what those particular names mean. Not to worry because I did the research on it on my trusty little computer. So you see, besides Facebook, Instagram, Facetime, Twitter, video games, movie streaming, music downloading, and porno, you can actually use a computer to acquire real information. Try it kids, it's swell!

Early Romans originally used Saturday (Saturn's Day) as the first day of the week, but worshiped the Sun so much that they changed the first day to Sunday and demoted Saturday to the last day. Get it?

Sunday comes from Latin, literally meaning "sun's day." To confuse matters even more, it is also called Dominica, which means the Day of G0D.

The second day, Monday, means "moon's day" sacred to the goddess of the moon.

Tuesday was named after the Norse god Tyr.

Wednesday was named to honor Wodan (Odin). The Romans called it dies Mercurii, after their god Mercury. Why isn't it called Mercuryday? You have to ask an old Roman.

Thursday is named after the Norse god Thor. Thorday sounds close enough to Thursday, so I get that.

Friday is named in honor of the Norse goddess Frigg but I suppose nobody wanted to call it Friggday, for the obvious reason, so we have Friday, which is so much nicer.

It's high time to rename our days with names more apropos to our modern times. Here's my vote for the new names of the days of the week, beginning with Sunday.

Sportsday. Since that's what most are doing or watching on this day.

Moanday. Since that's what most are doing on the day they go back to work.

Twosday. Two stands for the second day of the workweek.

Humpday. That's what everyone calls it anyway, might as well make it official.

Thirstday. You start thinking about your upcoming weekend drinking.

Freedomday. TGIF. Sleep-in Day. No alarm clocks. And there you have it.

The new names of the days of the week. If you are all good children, next time I will rename the months for you.