Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep

It doesn't happen every single night, but it happens frequently enough to be an aggravating occurrence. Yes, I know it's one of those things that happen as you get old, but the fact that there are probably millions of other old people out there who can't fall asleep either doesn't make me feel any better about it. Why should it?

If I had terminal cancer, G od forbid, would it comfort me to know that millions of people in the world also have terminal cancer? "Oh, that's a relief! I'm dying a horrible death just like many others!" I just smashed my thumb really hard with a hammer, but that's okay because I know hundreds of thousands of idiots like me have done the same thing. I feel better already!

So many thoughts go through my mind, especially late at night while lying in bed. My mind races. I think of the most obscure silly things. 12:45 AM: I wonder what the movie plots for "Hey Hey in the Hayloft" and "Ants in Your Pants of 1939" were about. The only one who might know would be Preston Sturges and he's not telling because he's been dead for 64 years. And even if he were still alive, he probably wouldn't know either. William Demarest was always wonderful in the Sturges pictures. How many was he in? Three, four, all of them?

2:38AM: I wonder, as I lie staring up at the ceiling, why Olive Oly's brother Castor was not used in the animated Popeye cartoons produced by Max Fleisher. Castor was not only a prominent character in the newspaper comic strip, actually going back further than Popeye, but it was Castor who first found Popeye standing at the docks. He was a funny little guy and made a good foil to Popeye. Again, I can't ask E.C. Segar, the creator of the strip, since he has been deceased for many decades. He wouldn't know in any case because it was probably a decision made by the Fleisher Studios. Max Fleisher and all the gang are long gone so we will never know why Castor missed his big chance at movie stardom.

3:52AM: Are Americans becoming more stupid (or is it stupider?) or are they just sounding like it? Here we are in the advanced year of 2023 and more than ever before I'm hearing grownup people speaking in sentences that sound like dialogue out of "Tobacco Road" or "Lil' Abner." Some common examples:

"We was sittin' in the car just conversating" Conversating. I must have been absent the day that "conversating" became a real word. Another one that's gaining ground these days, is "I borrowed him some money." And another quite common fracture of speech, especially amongst the younger generations is dropping letters from the middle of words and names. So instead of Joe Biden, you hear Joe Bi-on. The d is dropped. "I wouldn't do that if I were you" becomes "I woul-nt do that if I were you." Again, no d. Couldn't becomes "coul-nt," didn't becomes "di-nt." Important becomes "impor-ant." Dropping the t.

And now that we're approaching election time again, I'm bracing myself for the one word that almost nobody says correctly anymore, "candidate." Just about every single newsreader, pundit, and politician pronounces the word "CANDI-DIT." Drives my nuts. Keeps me awake nights.

5:04AM: Is it too late to take a sleeping pill?

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