Not Getting Any Better

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My previous column was all about my beautiful sweet Jane, the love of my life, who died on April 1st, just days before our 47th wedding anniversary.

Now it is a month since she left me and I must say it isn't getting any easier. I have gotten lovely comments and advice from many wonderful people who have made an attempt to make me feel better. No matter what they say, it hasn't eased my grief or sorrow at all.

I've heard it all. She's in a better place. She isn't in pain anymore. You did everything you possibly could. It isn't your fault. But nothing helps me.

I cry. I have stomach aches. I miss her. I have such guilt that I didn't do more for her when I had the chance. She was in horrible shape since 2017, why couldn't I have done more to make her time easier. Why didn't I rub her feet more often? Why didn't I hold her close to me more? Why didn't I cuddle her every night? Why did we have any arguments at all?

Everyone tells me I must continue, brave it out, be a soldier.

Every day I try, but I can't. Why must I continue? I have lost the reason for living. My sweet wife was more than my love, she was my life. Continue? Continue what?

I'm 76 years old, what am I am continuing?

I used to take care of my Jane, put out her medications, prepare her meals, read to her, take her to her doctors, shop with her, go to bed with her. All that is no more. I am totally alone and I just want to be with her again.

This will be the shortest column I have written. I know this must be so depressing to read, but you have no idea how depressing it is for me to write.

I hope I can write something more uplifting someday. I pray I can. In the meantime, I have to tell you, dear readers, the loss of my Jane is eating me up.

Maybe it is just too soon, but with each day that passes, it isn't getting any better.

(COMMENT, BELOW)