Jewish World Review April 23, 2004/ 2 Iyar, 5764

Greg Crosby

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Think about it |

  • Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak told the French newspaper Le Monde that Arabs in the Middle East hate the United States MORE THAN EVER following the invasion of Iraq and Israel's assassination of two leaders of the terrorist group, Hamas. So now they REALLY hate us, eh? I guess when they hijacked four of our airplanes and flew them into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon killing 3,000 people they didn't hate us too much. That's Arab logic for you: "We're going to kill you because we hate you, but if you fight back, then we'll hate you MORE THAN EVER!"

  • If you were living one hundred years ago, would you say that you were living in the year nineteen-oh-four or would you say you were living in the year one thousand nine hundred four? Of course everyone says nineteen-oh-four. So how come we don't call this year twenty-oh-four instead of two thousand four?

  • Michael and Janet Jackson's brother, Jermaine, who is a convert to Islam, was in the Gulf Arab state of Bahrain recently and spoke about Islam and America's involvement in the region. "I think Muslims have become the new Negroes in America," he said. "They are being mistreated at airports, by the Immigration - everywhere." In a Reuters interview he said, "I do not agree with the U.S. government. What they are saying about Muslims and Arabs is all propaganda and brainwashing." Yet another example of the rational thinking and pure genius that is the Jackson family. (NEGROES? Doesn't Jermaine know that we don't have Negroes in America anymore? They are African-Americans.)

  • We say, "Good morning" when we arrive but not when we leave - on the other hand, we say "Good night" when we leave and not when we arrive. (Got this one from the Dennis Miller show)

  • Why don't women wear dresses anymore? Walk through a mall or any shopping area and see how many women are in a dress these days. Dresses, along with blouses and skirts have become as extinct as girdles, gloves and hats. On the rare occasion that you do see a female in a skirt, it generally is a teenager in a micro-mini wearing spiked heels and looking like a hooker. The true feminine look is gone, replaced by various forms of polyester pants outfits, blue jeans and sweat suits. What a loss!

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  • When you drop something small on the floor, why doesn't it just fall straight down where you could easily pick it up? No - the thing has to bounce or roll into the hardest, least convenient place in the room. If there happens to be a large, immoveable piece of furniture anywhere within thirty feet of where you dropped the object you can bet it will find its way behind it. When I drop something I don't appreciate having to play Hide and Seek with the stupid thing!

  • Our lives are comprised with a never-ending series of repetitive chores. Consider all the things we do over and over again throughout our lives; bathing, brushing our teeth, washing our hair, cutting our fingernails, shaving, vacuuming, dusting, mowing the grass, washing the car, combing our hair. Most of these tasks have to do with keeping ourselves and our surroundings clean and neat but there are other recurring requisites; sleeping, eating, going to the bathroom, paying taxes. The human being is more than a creature of habit; he is a creature of repetition. But change is what keeps life interesting - so try doing something you've never done before this week.

  • We changed French Fries to Freedom Fries after France stabbed us in the back at the United Nations. Now with Spain pulling its troops out of the coalition in Iraq I think we need to change the name of Spanish peanuts to Star Spangled peanuts. There are a few more items that could do with a name change as well. Belgian waffles might taste better right now if they were Washington waffles. German chocolate cake could be called God Bless America chocolate cake.

  • The Associated Press reported that scientists have found a way to produce mice with two genetic moms and no father. It is the first time that this has been accomplished in mammals. The scientists say that the technique cannot be used to create people, for reasons both technical and ethical, but given enough time to overcome the tech problems and given enough time to erode the ethical barriers, who knows what the future might bring? So there ya go, feminists. Your greatest wish may someday come true - a world without men! Wasn't there a sci-fi movie made in the 50's about this? Happy Mother's Day!

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    JWR contributor Greg Crosby, former creative head for Walt Disney publications, has written thousands of comics, hundreds of children's books, dozens of essays, and a letter to his congressman. A freelance writer in Southern California, you may contact him by clicking here.

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    © 2004 Greg Crosby