Jewish World Review Feb. 17, 2006/ 19 Shevat, 5766

Greg Crosby

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Oh, and One More Thing | The jokes were flying faster than pellets out of Dick Cheney's gun over his quail hunting accident. In case you were away on Mars and missed them, here are a couple of examples:

New bumper sticker: "I'd Rather Hunt with Dick Cheney than Ride with Ted Kennedy"

Jay Leno on The Tonight Show said that after people found out Cheney had shot a lawyer, his approval rating went up to 92 per cent.

Words have always intrigued me. Interesting how different words which basically describe the same thing can have totally different meanings in their usage. A case in point is the words film, movies, and pictures. You "STUDY film." You "GO to the movies." You "MAKE pictures." I suppose you could "study movies," but somehow that doesn't sound as prestigious as studying film.

If you "go to the films," it sounds as though you are attending an art house marathon of Federico Fellini's work; if you are "going to the movies" it sounds like you plan on dropping into the multiplex to see "The Shaggy Dog." Attending "film school" sounds like a serious place of study. "Movie school" sounds like you're majoring in Jerry Lewis antics.

When a professional says "I made three pictures for Universal last year," it sounds right. If he said "I made three films for Universal last year," it sounds a bit pretentious. If he says "I made three movies for Universal last year," it sounds a bit too trivial. Words matter.

Words of Wisdom (from the internet): "Some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield." "A shortcut is the longest path between two points." "Politicians and diapers should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason." "A man has never been shot doing the dishes."

You Know That You Are Too Wrapped Up in Pop Culture

  • If you have trouble talking because of all the metal in your mouth

  • If it hurts to sit down because of all the studs on the seat of your jeans

  • If you can't tell the difference between your bedclothes and the clothes you wear out on the street.

  • If you spend more on tattoos than you do on food.

  • If you can actually tell the difference in taste between bottled waters.

  • If your athletic footwear cost more than $50.00

  • If you know the words to all the Grammy nominated songs.

  • If you own a cell phone that also takes photos, dials up the internet, stores music, gets television programs and shows movies.

  • If you are over twelve years old and are wearing torn jeans on purpose.

  • If flip-flops are your idea of dress shoes.

  • If you know that Paris Hilton got pelted with flour by PETA. And if you care, it's even worse.

  • If you've actually kept track of who's won this year's winter Olympic medals.

According to a story by Reuters, Iranians have taken their protest of those Danish cartoons a step further. Now along with doing their usual bombing of European embassies, blowing up of cars and buildings and other assorted rioting damage, Iranians have decided to rename the "Danish pastries" that they love so much. Henceforth they will be known as "Roses of the Prophet Mohammad." "No one is allowed to make fun of our beloved and respected Prophet," Hassan Nasserzadeh, a cake-shop owner in central Tehran, told Reuters. So, they will still eat the stuff, but they just won't call it "Danish" anymore. I guess that'll show them Danes a thing or two.

Did you hear about the guy who was hit by a Peter Pan pirate ship at Disney World? It's a true story but I'll just let it go at that. You can make up your own joke.

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JWR contributor Greg Crosby, former creative head for Walt Disney publications, has written thousands of comics, hundreds of children's books, dozens of essays, and a letter to his congressman. A freelance writer in Southern California, you may contact him by clicking here.

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